Clicking on banner ads enables JWR to constantly improve
Jewish World Review Jan. 4, 1999 /25 Teves, 5760

Bob Greene

Bob Greene
JWR's Pundits
World Editorial
Cartoon Showcase

Mallard Fillmore

Michael Barone
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
David Corn
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Don Feder
Suzanne Fields
Paul Greenberg
Bob Greene
Betsy Hart
Nat Hentoff
David Horowitz
Arianna Huffington
Marianne Jennings
Michael Kelly
Mort Kondracke
Ch. Krauthammer
Lawrence Kudlow
Dr. Laura
David Limbaugh
Michelle Malkin
Chris Matthews
Michael Medved
MUGGER
Kathleen Parker
Debbie Schlussel
Sam Schulman
Roger Simon
Tony Snow
Thomas Sowell
Cal Thomas
Jonathan S. Tobin
Ben Wattenberg
George Will
Bruce Williams
Walter Williams
Cathy Young
Mort Zuckerman

Consumer Reports
Weekly Standard

Econophone

Trakdata


The person in your mirror just got wiser


http://www.jewishworldreview.com -- UH . . . YOU STILL there?

Hope so. I don't have any real way of knowing. If you look up at the top of the page, you will notice that the date is Jan. 4. But because of production deadlines, the column itself was written and locked into place back in another century.

Friday, to be precise. All of a sudden, though, last Friday can be seen as a dusty artifact of a long-gone age. Whatever madness -- technological or otherwise -- did or did not occur at midnight Friday is something I had no way of knowing when I wrote these words. Way back in the 20th Century.

Which is a concept that all of us might be smart to embrace, by the way. This morning, we have all been presented with a fine opportunity, if only we are astute enough to recognize it. We can all -- quite truthfully -- make ourselves seem a lot wiser, a lot more seasoned, than we could even 48 hours ago.

Let's say that you're a physician, you can -- for the first time in your career -- say in an offhanded manner to the patient you are examining: "You know, I've been in the practice of medicine for parts of two centuries now, and my experience has shown me . . .." Same doc; better sounding resume.

Or you're an auto mechanic. Even if you've only been on the job for, say, 18 months, you can announce "In the course of looking at engines over portions of two centuries, I can tell you with confidence that your car's problem is . . .."

You're a lawyer? You can start your trial summation: "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, back in a previous century, when I first was privileged to practice law, I told myself that one day I would have the chance to represent a person like the one you see sitting at the table behind me -- that one day I would have the chance to seek justice for such a person . . .."

Schoolteacher? "In a different century, when Woodrow Wilson was in the White House and commercial air travel was still a distant dream -- a century, may I add, when I first began to teach students like you . . .."

We ought to all grab this while we can -- grab on to this little gift that has fallen into our hands. That guy who muttered some slurred cliche of a purported profundity at the bar last week? If you want, you can take whatever he said and drop it into your conversations this week as "the insights of a 20th Century thinker." Your discount-store trash can in your garage at home, the one you purchased last summer, can accurately be described as "an antique that has stood the test of time, an example of the old-world craftsmanship of another century."

Conversely, this gives all of us the chance to slam the door on certain things, too. That stupid mistake you made at the office a few months ago, that you were afraid might cost you your job? All in the haze-covered past now: "Something that happened last century -- I have trouble even remembering what it was about," you can say. Your salary? "Well, I suppose it's all right," you can say to your boss. "Measured against the paltry standards of a past century, that is."

We can accept this morning as the ultimate clean desk. You know those papers that have been piling up, the old memos you meant to go through and file in the proper folders, the letters you were supposed to answer? They may physically still be on that desk of yours -- but they're sort of like an early manuscript of "Gone With the Wind." They're part of a dead century -- they have nothing to do with the life that is awaiting you now.

The secret here is to use the days ahead in the ways that are best for you. And you can, in this case, have it both ways: When you're trying to establish what an experienced and full-of-knowledge person you are, that's the time to trot out the "I've been doing this work over the course of two centuries" line. But when you want to dismiss something -- to consign it to the scrapheap of memory -- that's when, with a literal or figurative flip of your hand, you can say: "You know, I have trouble even recalling that -- wasn't that back in the 20th Century?"

As for myself, I can without fear of contradiction say this morning:

This is my best column of the century.

Of course, it's also my worst.

How to leave you today? On this historic weekend, what wishes and good advice to give you?

I would simply urge you to follow the counsel of an eminent oracle from another time, a man who back in a previous century had the solemn wisdom to be able to sum up how a person should lead a happy and fulfilled life. Let us heed the words of that 20th Century philosopher:

Rave on.



JWR contributor Bob Greene is a novelist and columnist. Send your comments to him by clicking here.

Up

12/31/99: A lesson -- and a memory -- to last a millennium
12/29/99: Racing the clock, even when it's running backwards
12/13/99: The right to bear coffee
12/08/99: From teen idol to ink-stained wretch: Can you Dig it?
12/02/99: Human 'search engines'
11/30/99: Here's looking at you -- now hand over the cash
11/23/99: Who'll say 'I'm sorry' to the other Decatur students?
11/18/99: "From bad things, good can come"
11/16/99: The man who didn't know the meaning of 'whatever'
11/12/99: Is this progress? We have made the weekend obsolete
11/09/99: Today he would probably be called Kyle Kramden
11/04/99: And you thought the IRS was heartless
11/02/99: When it's free, what will the real price be?
10/29/99: The tissue-thin decisions that define who we are
10/26/99: One way to cut road rage down to size
10/22/99: Asking all the right questions takes a special pitch
10/18/99: The signs are talking to you; Are you listening?
10/12/99: Even Capone would be disgusted
10/08/99: Don't ever look your neighborhood bear in the eye
10/06/99: Land of the free and marketplace of the brave
10/04/99: German warplanes in American skies
09/30/99: While you fret, something is sneaking up on you
09/28/99: In these busy times, why not bring back a certain buzz?
09/24/99: The storms whose paths no one can track
09/21/99: Who's minding the store? Oh . . . never mind
09/17/99:Here's another place where you can't smoke
09/14/99: As certainly as `lovely Rita' follows `when I'm 64' . . .
09/09/99: Why is patience no longer a virtue?
09/07/99: Once upon a time, in an airport close to you . . .
09/03/99: The answers? They are right in front of us
09/01/99: Up the creek with a paddle--and cussing up a storm
08/30/99: $1 Million Question: How'd we get to be so stup-d?
08/27/99: Fun and games at Camp Umbilical Cord
08/25/99: How life has been changed by the woodpecker effect
08/23/99: If you don't like this story, blame the robot who wrote it
08/20/99: A four-letter word that has helped both Bob and Rhonda
08/18/99: They have picked the wrong country
08/16/99: From paperboy to stalker--how the news has changed
08/12/99: Why wasn't anyone watching his brothers?
08/10/99: Come to think of it, stars seldom are the retiring type
08/05/99: The national gaper's block is always jammed
07/29/99: 'Can you imagine the gift you gave me?'
07/27/99: A view to a kill -- but is this really necessary?
07/23/99: Some cream and sugar with your turbulence?
07/21/99: When your name is JFK jr., how do you choose to use it?
07/19/99: The real world is declared not real enough
07/15/99: The real victims of cruel and unusual punishment
07/13/99: A 21st Century idea for schools: log off and learn
07/09/99: Are life's sweetest mysteries still around the bend?
07/07/99: Of great minds, cream cheese and Freddy Cannon
07/02/99: The perfect spokesman for the American way
06/30/99: 'He's 9 years old . . . he trusts people'
06/28/99: A $581 million jackpot in the courthouse casino
06/25/99: A nighttime walk to a House that feels like a cage
06/23/99: At least give men credit for being more morose
06/18/99: On Father's Day, a few words about mothers
06/16/99: If work is a dance, how's your partner doing?
06/14/99: Should a dictionary ever tell you to keep quiet?
06/10/99: A story of Sex, the SuperBowl and your wife
06/07/99: Take a guess where "California Sun" is from
06/03/99: Of summer days, summer nights and pebbles in a jar
06/01/99: Putting your money where their mouths are
05/27/99: Pressed between wooden covers, the summer of her life
05/25/99:The lingering song of a certain summer
05/24/99:We could all use a return to the Buddy system
05/20/99: Now, this is enough to make James Bond double-0 depressed 05/17/99: It's midnight -- do you know where your parents are?
05/13/99: And now even saying "thank you" creates a problem
05/11/99: The answer was standing at the front door

©1999, Tribune Media Services