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CONFESSIONS ...of a Refusenik Gone Secular Don't let the smile fool you. NYC comedienne Julia Gorin isn't in a laughing mood. Today, she prefers to call it as she sees it.
Inna and I were soon enrolled in a local Jewish day school in
Baltimore.
As a family, we attended synagogue on Friday nights, we went to other
events there almost weekly, and I even mastered speaking Hebrew.
The highlight of those early years would come every December, when we
would go
to the white mansion where Mr. Baer (a pseudonym) held his annual
Chanukah
party.
We would walk in, and to the right there would be a brilliant, dazzling
...Christmas tree,
complete with presents for all the children strewn about its base.
There
was nothing strange
in this to a family of Russian Jews, who kept a lit "New Year's Tree"
during the holiday season in the Old Country, as was the Russian
tradition.
Besides, the Jewish philanthropist's wife was Christian.
At Mr. Baer's expansive dining-room table, my father was always planted
close,
but not next to our host -- in a way that the two could exchange a few
words but
not engage in any substantive conversation. After all, Mr. Baer already
did
his mitzvah just by inviting to his table the pathetic, thick-accented
Russian
Jew and his family, dressed in the same funny clothes they wore to last
year's
party. For him, that was good enough.
Mr. Baer was interested more in what my father was than
who he
was. And after a couple years, we stopped going to the mansion. We also
stopped attending Friday night
services. Eventually, my sister and I enrolled in a Baltimore County
public school. I lost any Hebrew I had picked up.
THE INCARNATION OUR JUDAISM took after that was
public school during the
week and two hours
of Hebrew school on Sundays at Baltimore Hebrew Congregation -- the
hyper-Reform
Mecca for Jewish American princesses and princes which sealed our fate
of lifelong non-observance.
Growing up, I had Russian-born friends who were far worse
spiritually-off than we -- friends who never so much as affiliated
with a synagogue. In their teens, the girls fasted
on Yom Kippur as a means of dieting, but they never did it inside a
synagogue.
But just like these Russians, my family fell into the stereotype of
"Godless
Russians," as the emigres are still called in some Reform and
Conservative circles
by the same members who once kept empty chairs at their seder tables
for their
oppressed brethren trapped under the Iron Fist.
If organized Jewry expected to see Grandpa from the shtetl of 1910
stepping
off the plane at Kennedy Airport, donning tefillin and dressed in
black,
the
expectation was unrealistic and born of ignorance. And if American Jews
thought religious freedom was the immigrant's chief goal in leaving the
USSR,
they were twice mistaken. Personal freedom, which brings with it the
chance
to worship as one pleases, was our chief motivator -- not religious
fervor.
I asked my father the other day why we stopped taking part in the kind
of Jewish life I
remember from our early years here.
He told me: "I tried to enter this life, but it just never took. Being
educated in the 'material' sciences in an atheistic society made a
religious
life very alien to me, and it became a burden."
THE JEWISH ESTABLISHMENT in America had vested a
great deal of hope in
Russian
Jews. If only because of our sheer numbers, they saw in us a chance to
revitalize
American Jewry -- their American Jewry, which they destroyed through
assimilation and intermarriage.
Today, the Russians' lack of commitment to a religious life, coupled
with the almost daily stories painting the entire community as a din of
mobsters, welfare cheats or, at best, hungry capitalists, causes the
establishment to throw its arms up and ask: "Why did we bother?"
Yet who are these Jews that rail against assimilation and brainstorm
regularly
on what direction American Jewry should take -- who at times criticize
us
"Godless Russians" and at other times try to inspire us? They are the
very same
Jews who keep "Chanukah bushes" blazing at Christmas and who
intermarry.
And what brand of Judaism, exactly, are they trying to interest us in?
The pathetic New Yorker/bagel-and-cream cheese Jewishness
that
passes for Judaism in America today?
If ambivalent Jewish "leaders" can't come up with a formula compelling
enough
to interest their own children, how can they expect to
ignite
Judaism's spark
in Russians who have no tradition of Judaism and to whom its rituals
and
practices appear mechanical and feel utterly unnatural?
Our benefactors expected to see active, paying congregants in the
temples because they sprang for our tickets to come here. If they have
to ask themselves why they bothered, then they did it for the wrong
reasons.
In taking up the Soviet Jewish cause, American Jewry was helping fellow
Jews.
Period. The Russians never pretended to be anything more. If the help
was
given not out of principle, but as an investment in increased synagogue
membership and future contributions to their coffers, then the Jewish
establishment is, essentially, now getting what it deserves.
Complicating things further, the establishment is embarrassed by its
burly,
unrefined "Poor Brother." This embarrassment manifests itself the way
it
has
for generations: The Jews who made it here first set up extensive
social
service
networks to help the new arrivals. But once the newcomers are clothed,
housed
and fed, they are kept at arm's length. Even after Russians have found
their
feet and the relationship is no longer one of client-administrator,
American
Jews have a hard time regarding the immigrants as equals.
RUSSIAN JEWS WANT TO MAKE IT in American life as
much as American Jews
do.
They come here and are bent on fast and furious success and
assimilation.
Their main newspaper, Novoye Russkoye Slovo, which for
them serves
as the 1990s
version of the turn-of-the-century Yiddish Daily
Forward,, encourages its
readers
to learn English immediately, to naturalize and become productive
members of
the economy and finally, to cast a wide net all over the country so as
to
avoid
the ghettoization of areas like Brighton Beach. In essence, the message
is,
"Be Americans."
Russian Jews may not practice the rituals of what passes for Judaism in
America today,
but they have a connection to Judaism that others can't understand --
one that is more visceral than the average American's. Traditionally,
they have a lower rate of intermarriage. Israel is nearer and dearer to
them. In a way, they have kept Judaism closer to the heart, and when
their souls have been sparked by Orthodox outreach groups, the Russians
have
gone all the way.
But as they move closer to becoming American Jews, they risk losing a
lot.
Many Russians I've met have concrete, pertinent questions about
Judaism.
They're educated and they're looking for substantive answers. But they
rarely
get any.
The Soviet Jewry "cause" was won. We're here. But what was the plan
after that?
What we need are practical ideas of how to interest Russian Jews in
something
they know nothing about, rather than offering them the tokenism of the
seder
chair.
There must be something concrete -- a sense of who they are, what that
means,
and what they've been missing -- so they don't waste away as Jews.
Above all, lend them an ear and a shoulder. This is a community that
survived
Hitler and Stalin. What is to keep them from going the way immigrants
only 50 years
ago did -- in their own separate, unaffiliated directions? Then, the
waters of what would or wouldn't work were unchartered. By now, we've
had testing grounds. We must not ignore history. We must begin to
treat the Russians as menschen. They have ideas on how to reach
their
own. They should be granted the opportunity to take on leadership
positions.
It was clear what the objectives were when freeing Soviet Jewry was a
cause du jour.
My family, for one, was grateful to our American benefactors and
advocates for
helping make our freedom possible. But now it's time to deal with the
reality
beyond the cause.
Julia Gorin is a writer and stand-up comic living in Manhattan.
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