Jewish World Review August 20, 2002 / 12 Elul, 5762

Ian Shoales

Ian Shoales
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Consumer Reports

Will we soon need a passport to get caviar, duc a la orange, or Polish sausage?


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | An outfit called the European Commission, according to Reuters, has decreed that feta cheese cannot be called feta cheese unless it comes from Greece. This gives feta the same "geographical protection" as Roquefort and blue Stilton. So makers of cheese made from goat milk in other areas are going to have to find different names for their product: faux ta cheese, maybe, ta fay cheese, feet toe cheese, I don't know, I'm just spitballing here.

But what does this finding mean for other "native" foods? Are we going to need a passport to get caviar, duc a la orange, or Polish sausage? Will taco stand managers have to provide certificates of authenticity? Does this mean that baclava, sweet and sour pork, and bagels will go the way of the dodo?

Coming at this from another angle, what about french fries? Everybody knows these crispy treats did not originate in the land of the garlic eaters. Is the sleeping giant called France going to awaken at last from its long slumber and issue a cease and desist order?

And what about French dressing? Come to think of it, what about french kisses, french cut beans, and french cut jockey briefs? Thanks to a new litigious global economy, are they headed for the ash heap of history?

And poor beleaguered Holland? They are blamed for Dutch ovens, uncles, treats, doors-all of which could be in dutch, so to speak.

How English IS the English muffin? For that matter, how American is American cheese? Did the Denver boot really originate in Denver? OR the Denver sandwich? I smell a dispute coming. What about the Mexican stand off? The Spanish Omelet? The New York Minute? The Maltese Falcon? Where will it all end? I don't know. It's all Greek to me.

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JWR contributor Ian Shoales is the author of, among others, Not Wet Yet: An Anthology of Commentary. Comment by clicking here.

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© 2001, Ian Shoales