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Manners, etiquette, civility, social graces, mores, decorum, proper behavior, social norms. There are plenty of terms for "doing the right thing" in one's interactions with others, but the fact is, too few of us engage in it anymore. What once was considered simply "good manners" has been completely lost on a couple of generations of us.
It's too bad because the loss of societal proprieties signifies the beginning of a loss of a civil society. And with the loss of civility we become less disciplined, more self-serving, and more ill-mannered to those around us. When you no longer have respect for others, you no longer have respect for yourself. It's no coincidence that proper manners has declined at about the same rate that vulgarity, indecency, and selfishness has increased.
Why has this happened? One obvious reason is society's embrace of a more casual lifestyle, not only in attire but in attitude. It's true that when you dress up you act better than when you dress casually. Your posture improves, you walk differently, you even speak differently. People respect you more and you have greater respect for yourself. The casual look says "I don't care," the better dressed look says, "I care."
Like everything else in life, good manners is something that must be taught. Parents don't teach it anymore and certainly schools don't teach it, so young people have no idea how to behave. "Please," "thank you," and "you're welcome" are phrases you hardly hear these days. But older people can be just as ill-mannered. People tend to be more self-absorbed than they used to be. The total immersion in electronic devices is part of the problem too. After all, when you're busy texting and zooming and spending time on social media sites, you haven't got time to be courteous to those around you. You're all wrapped up in your own little bubble.
But before one can have decent manners and know how to do the proper things for others, you need to have a consciousness of others. In other words you have to consider others before you can be considerate of others. When one is totally into their own world they ignore anything that doesn't directly impact it. I know someone who is so self-absorbed that he is completely devoid of thinking about anyone else. His social graces are nonexistent. And this is not a young person, mind you.
Now, I don't believe this person is bad, I'm pretty sure he doesn't realize he's being impolite or rude or selfish. But he is. He simply doesn't know the right thing to do. He has no idea how to be gracious or solicitous. He has no understanding of simple niceties. Simple things like bringing a small gift when coming to dinner at someone's home. It's not in his makeup. But it could be, he could change if he tried to refocus his attention.
And here's the thing, it doesn't take much effort to be considerate. Well, maybe at first it does, since it is something new which must be practiced. But once you get it down, you discover that good manners comes naturally. Soon it becomes something you don't have to think about, it becomes second nature. And when you start to see the expressions on the faces of those you're interacting with, and the gratitude they show you in return, you feel good about yourself.
Learning to act properly and respectfully towards others has benefits for all involved. There are no losers, everyone is a winner. You start by thinking about the feelings of others before you think of your own. Ask yourself, what is the right thing to do, and how would I like it if someone did it for me. It's just that simple. You're welcome.
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