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Some "duh" news items that you may have not seen. Starting with Disney's new live-action version of "Moana," which opened with, how should I say this, less than spectacular box office results. Seems that the picture is on its way to becoming a bomb. The film, starring Catherine Laga'aia and Dwayne Johnson, opened to $43 million in the U.S. and $95 million worldwide, way below the projected $130 million Disney was hoping for. The movie cost a reported $250 million to produce, so it has to do much better than it did just to break even. The live-action remake comes nearly a decade after the successful original animated movie grossed $643 million during its theatrical run.
You'd think maybe Disney would have learned its lesson last year when it released the woke, horrible live-action remake of "Snow White" and the thing bombed worse than the nuclear sites that we hit in Iran. People who loved the originals simply don't want remakes. Remaking a hit is stupid. If you want to remake something, why not remake a flop, but do it better? Make a silk purse out of a sow's ear, to paraphrase the old proverb. Don't take something wonderful and turn it into crap.
Speaking of which, health officials in several states are tracking new cases of cyclosporiasis. What is that, you ask? Glad you asked, I'll tell you. It's a foodborne infection caused by a parasite that leads to severe gastrointestinal symptoms, including intense diarrhea. Now you're probably sorry you asked.
The actual number of cyclosporiasis infections is likely higher than reported, as many people recover without seeking medical care and therefore are never tested for cyclosporiasis. Cyclosporiasis cases have been linked to an assortment of fresh fruits, vegetables and herbs, including bagged salad mixes and kits, fresh cilantro, basil and parsley, raspberries, snow peas and green onions. Eating the tainted food will probably not kill you, it'll just give you explosive diarrhea. (Notice that diarrhea is always described as "explosive." Is there any other kind? Is there a "calm" or "laid-back" diarrhea?)
But the story gets better. State health departments around the country have issued guidance for avoiding the spread of cyclosporiasis. There are several bullet point guidelines they list, and I'm not kidding, the very first bullet point guideline is the following: Avoid consuming food or water that may be contaminated with feces. That's right everybody, stop eating food with feces in it. I know it's hard, but we must try our best to do without it.
Turning to sports news, have you noticed that since the United States has been eliminated from the World Cup playoffs, most Americans have stopped caring about soccer? Funny how that works. After the U.S. Men's National Team's dreams came to naught thanks to a royal beating from Belgium, all hopes that the team would advance to the quarter finals crashed and burned faster than a truckload of chickens t-boning an oil tanker. The U.S. Men's National Team dreams, turned into a soccer nightmare.
What began as America's new love affair with the World Cup games dissolved faster than anyone might have expected. After the defeat, U.S. soccer fans were left more than a little flabbergasted. And if you've ever had your flabber gasted, you know how painful that can be. As soon as our team was out of the running, viewers stopped watching the playoffs between the other countries. You know why? Because no matter how much it is shoved down our throats, America really doesn't care about soccer, that's why.
Soccer is a European and Latin American thing. Yes, the liberals in charge of sports in our public schools have pushed soccer on our kids for years. It's an inexpensive team sport. All you really need is a ball and sissy short pants and a field. It's a good sport for girls because, 1. there is little chance of getting seriously hurt, and 2. You don't need tremendous strength or muscles to play it. If you can run and kick a ball, you're in. Soccer is not a tough guy sport, it's a good sport for those who can't play any other sport very well.
And watching soccer is duller than playing it. We Americans would rather stick to baseball, basketball, and football. Duh!
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