Contact The Editor
Articles By This Author
The Wall Street Journal this week published a special edition on innovation in which, among other things, they listed what their readers considered the 25 top inventions in US history. I realize not all of my loyal readers, (although quite intelligent and possessing impeccable taste in columnists) read the WSJ, so I will list for you here the top 25 top inventions which the WSJ readers ranked as having the greatest impact on society. This is in the order in which they were listed.
1.Internet, 2. Lightbulb, 3. Integrated Circuit, 4. Personal Computer, 5. Airplane, 6. AC/DC Power. 7. Telephone, 8. Smartphone, 9. Refrigeration, 10. Nuclear Power, 11. Polio Vaccine, 12. Model T, 13. Global Positioning System, 14. Television, 15. Artificial Intelligence, 16. Fiber Optics, 17. Auto Assembly Line, 18. Email, 19. Air Conditioning, 20. Interchangeable Parts, 21. Lasers, 22. Chemotherapy, 23. Magnetic Resonance Imaging, 24. Commercial Steamboat, 25. Birth Control Pill.
So there they are, the top 25 according to Wall Street Journal readers. All very worthy inventions, I grant you. However, just like any polling data, political or otherwise, it all depends on who it is your asking. Asking 12 year-olds would get you one set of answers, asking 25 year-olds will get you another, completely different set. 40 year-olds will, undoubtedly, select yet another group of inventions. And now, my dear readers, we come to the crux of this week's column: The Senior Citizens' Selections.
Since, as we well know, our society is becoming ever more dotage-ant, (a word I just made up) it is incumbent that we consider the opinions of old people, (of which I am a member in semi-good standing) when putting together lists of the greatest inventions. In short, just which inventions do the seniors consider the most important ones? I can rightly assume that my readers are primarily of the mature variety, so in that regard MY readers' opinions are actually more on the mark than are the opinions of the callow youth and whippersnappers that the Journal has selected.
Full disclosure, I have actually not done any polling whatsoever outside of my own mind, which means the inventions I will list for you are only my personal opinion. But, as earlier stated, since I am a dotard myself, I believe I have the moral authority to choose. And since this is my column I can do whatever I want anyhow. So, here they are, in no particular order of importance.
• The Top Inventions in US History (Old People Version)
• Laxatives, Metamucil, and other such fiber supplements.
• Sensodyne toothpaste
• Magnifying glasses
• Hearing aids
• Cataract surgery
• Preparation H
• Sleeping aids
• Ibuprofen, Acetaminophen
• Aspercreme
• Moisturizing lotion
• Post-its
• Long-handled shoehorns
• Nail glue
• Grab bars
• Shower chairs
• Canes
• Walkers
• Stair lifts
• Reachers (those long claw devices)
• Captioning Phones
• Anti-aging creams
• Botox
• Plastic Surgery
• Tooth Implants
• Senior Citizen discounts
(COMMENT, BELOW)
I'm sure there are others I could add to the list, but the fact is, I simply can't think of any more. A sign of senility no doubt. If you have any additions to the list, please pass them along. Before you forget them, too.