Hormuz or Tonoose?

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You can't listen to the news these days without hearing about the Strait of Hormuz. The geographically literate know full well this is a waterway between the Persian Gulf and the Gulf of Oman. On the north coast lies Iran, and on the south coast lies the Musandam Peninsula under the Musandam Governorate of Oman, with a portion of the southwest of the peninsula under the United Arab Emirates.

I am not geographically literate, however, so the only reason I was able to type all this information out is because I looked it up. Otherwise I wouldn't know the Strait of Hormuz from the Shorts of Tonoose. That would be Uncle Tonoose, from the Danny Thomas Show. Having grown up with television from the the 50's and 60's I may not be geographically literate, but I do consider myself sitcom literate. At least from that era, anyway.

For those of you not versed in TV sitcom history, allow me to educate you. Uncle Tonoose was a character portrayed by Hans Conried on Thomas' show, "Make Room For Daddy." Tonoose was the crazy uncle of Danny Williams (Thomas) who frequently came to the Williams home to visit. Back in those innocent times, Tonoose was a wacky, endearing character from the "old country" (Lebanon), with a lovable and eccentric bombastic personality. The personality was very much fashioned after Danny Thomas himself. They even increased the size of Conried's nose so it resembled Thomas'.

An often repeated statement by Uncle Tonoose, as he slapped his chest was, "Tonoose is strong, like bull!" Hans Conried played the character in no less than 19 appearances from 1955 to 1964. Arguing with his nephew was a common schtick between Thomas and Tonoose, usually over old world values versus modern American ways. Tonoose preferred women to be on the zaftig side, strong, healthy, and physically able to do anything. He found fault with his nephew's choice of wife, who was more on the thin side. His comment was often to say that "she was skinny, like chicken."

70 years ago few Americans knew anything about Lebanon, let alone anything else in the Middle East, except that Danny Thomas was of Lebanese extraction and he had a tendency to blow his stack every now and then (on the show). So it was wonderfully funny to watch him and his "uncle go at it." As they say, great TV.

Today we all know too much about the problems of that region. We know that the terrorist organization, Hezbollah, virtually controls most of Lebanon today and has changed that country from a predominantly Christian nation to an Islamic one. Hezbollah is an Islamist proxy of Iran, dedicated to the complete annihilation of Israel and eventually the United States as well. This Lebanon is no laughing matter, there are no beloved Uncle Tonooses living amongst Hezbollah terrorists.

Our early television situation comedy shows were so sweet and innocent. No politics. No terrorists. No antisemites. No hatred. Just Jackie Gleason, Sid Caesar, Danny Thomas, and Uncle Tonoose. And lots of laughs. Nice characters, good characters. A lovable uncle from the old country who was "strong like bull." We watched those shows and went to bed with a smile on our face, having been entertained that evening in the true sense of the word. Were we naïve? Yes, we were. But it was a comforting naïveté. Who needs to be educated about the ugliness of the world? We didn't know Sunni from Shite and we didn't care. We were being entertained, and it was just fine.

I'll gladly take Uncle Tonoose over the Strait of Hormuz any time.

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