Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• Amazon's website is selling black ICE baseball caps just like federal agents wear. Last month I wore one to the emergency room and the place cleared out, saving me a 3-hour wait, and then the cap saved me 5 hours at the DMV. Don't wear it to McDonald's, the entire staff left and I never got my order.

• The DOJ launched a probe into Minnesota Somalis for ripping off billions in social program scams. The money is sent back to the terror group that runs Somalia. For their part, Somalia's 2024 Olympic Committee apologized for not knowing last year that Sailing and Shooting are 2 separate events.

• House Oversight Chairman Jim Comer announced that Bill and Hillary Clinton must testify to the committee about their connection to Jeffrey Epstein. Recently the New York Post published a picture of Epstein together with Bill Clinton and Harvey Weinstein. This photo is why women cover their drinks.

• The State Department urged Great Britain, Canada, Australia and New Zealand to join us in reversing 3rd world immigration to protect our social cohesion and joint security. Everything we have we took fair and square. If the Pyramids weren't so heavy, they'd be sitting in the British Museum today.

• President Trump told his cabinet Tuesday he didn't know about the 2nd strike on one disabled drug boat. We've been blowing up these drug boats for two months. You know there's too much cocaine in the ocean when you go to the show at Sea World and the nosebleed seats are on the front row.

• The White House praised the Navy for its missile strikes that destroyed 21 drug boats headed for the U.S. The strikes have resulted in a cocaine shortage, forcing Hollywood to issue ration stamp booklets. Movie stars haven't been restricted to a gram a week since Nancy Reagan declared war in 1981.

• Secretary of War Pete Hegseth is accused of war crimes by Democrats for double tapping one cocaine boat. In addition to interdiction at sea, Hegseth also wants to stop the domestic demand for drugs but that's a much tougher target. Today a U.S. Navy missile strike missed Hunter Biden by 2 blocks.

• President Trump revealed Tuesday he might invade Venezuela any day now. For five centuries Venezuela's best defense against English-speaking invaders has been mosquitoes, and worse than any mosquito bite, the repellant spray may cause hallucinations. I know this because a mosquito just told me.

• President Trump's physician released Trump's MRI test results Tuesday, rebutting claims by Democrats, CNN and MSNBC that Donald Trump is showing signs of pronounced cognitive decline while in office. Calling him Hitler didn't work so they've decided to go lower. They're calling him Biden.

• Venezuela's Nicholas Maduro refused President Trump's ultimatum to step down or face the consequences Sunday. What came next was inevitable. Minnesota State Public Insurance approved a $100 million life insurance policy on Nicholas Maduro which names six Somali's as the beneficiaries.

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