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• Transportation Secretary offered tips Thursday on travel delays and flight cancellations. This is the time of year he's responsible for everything that goes wrong. Pete Buttigieg hinders auto, train and airplane travel better than any group of pro-Palestinians protestors ever thought of being.
• Swedish retail giant IKEA warned holiday customers Wednesday that they might face product delays in IKEA's merchandise getting to their stores due to the attacks on their cargo ships in the Red Sea. That's progress for you. The Vikings had no trouble getting to America by the most direct route.
• President Biden was reported on Monday to be angry about his low poll numbers and snapping at aides. This week, Joe's approval ratings sank to a low on the economy, the border, inflation and his fitness for office. Democrats are pretty much down to arguing that Biden is not that old for a tortoise.
• Joe Biden called Mexico's president to discuss the migrant crisis Thursday. One solution is to get U.S. asylum seekers to apply from Mexico while Mexico plugs up its southern border. We're so flooded by migrants that at the supermarket today I found peanut butter and jelly in the ethnic food aisle.
• Pennsylvania Democratic Senator John Fetterman said he's no longer a Progressive and that he supports Israeli military action in Gaza and opposes illegal immigration into the U.S. Reaction was swift. The Colorado Supreme Court just banned him from seeking re-election to the Senate in 2028.
• The Colorado Supreme Court banning Trump from the ballot had GOP governors threatening to do the same to Joe Biden. This past week, both Biden and Kamala have been comparing Trump to Hitler, but they must be careful with talk like that or do you know what Trump might do? Carry Harvard.
• Jill Biden fired her spokesman over a gay sex scandal a day after a House gay sex scandal and two days after the Senate's. That's three gay sex scandal in three days. They might want to remove that sign at the Washington D.C. city limits which reads You Are Now Entering the Seat of Government.
• House Republicans passed a ban on transgender women from competing in women's sports events at federally supported schools. The bill went to the Senate. It's strange to think in the future the number-one cause of death among female Olympic gold-winning athletes could be prostate cancer.
• Disney CEO Bob Iger announced he plans huge investments in Disney theme parks and ocean cruises in 2024. Iger also plans to raise ticket prices. Rather than buying tickets to Disneyland, it is now cheaper for a family of four to fly to Switzerland, rent a car and ride around the ACTUAL Matterhorn.
• The Daily Mail reported Wednesday that Switzerland is weighing the idea of legalizing cocaine in the capital city of Bern. It's the most peaceful nation in the world. In the war between Israel and Hamas in Gaza, I've decided to back Switzerland because the only thing they blow holes in is cheese.
• Governor Greg Abbott signed a law allowing Texas to arrest and deport illegal immigrants. The Border Patrol found an abandoned bag Sunday containing ten million dollars worth of cocaine and meth hidden inside Jalapeno paste. Authorities say they're looking for anyone who's hyper with no teeth and gas.
• The Colorado Supreme Court cited a 14th Amendment clause from 1868 barring Rebel officers from federal office to take down Donald Trump. It pretty much leaves the emcees introducing me onstage each night. I take great pride in being the only Confederate statue today that's being brought up.
• The Colorado Supreme Court's decision to ban Trump awaits Supreme Court review. The 14th Amendment bans insurrectionists and he's not even charged with insurrection. Someone needs to tell the Colorado Supreme Court that judges don't select American presidents, the defense industry does.
• Congressman Dan Newhouse confirmed Wednesday a House probe of staffers who taped gay porn videos in a House office. That's two gay episodes in the U.S. Capitol in one week. Three, if you don't count the quote on the statue of Will Rogers in the Rotunda saying, I never met a man I didn't like.
• The PGA Tour agreed to merge with the Saudi LIV tour by December 31st if terms of a merger can be agreed upon by negotiators. Under the proposed terms of the merger, on each golf course, the PGA would be responsible for maintaining holes 1-8 and 12-18. The Saudis are responsible for 9-11.
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