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• The Los Angeles Dodgers signed free agent superstar slugger Shohei Ohtani Saturday. The city is deliriously happy. The Dodgers would have announced the blockbuster deal Thursday but they didn't want December 7th to be remembered in the future as the day Japan attacked the National League West.
• Sports Illustrated reported the Los Angeles Dodgers were able to outbid the Toronto Blue Jays for Shohei Ohtani. The superstar signed for ten years and for seven hundred million dollars. In Los Angeles terms, he will make just enough to afford a two-bedroom fixer-upper in the Valley, carport extra.
• Time awarded Taylor Swift its Person of the Year last week after she packed stadiums all year and doubled her net worth to over one billion dollars. Several days later, Taylor announced on Sunday that she's taking her Eras Tour to China. Nevertheless Taiwan insists they are never getting back together.
• The Miami Herald reports rap star Kodak Black was arrested in Plantation, Florida, on cocaine possession Friday. In a related story, the Secret Service was unable to discover who left the cocaine in the White House Library, which is fine with me. I'm for anything that helps keep President Biden awake.
• Hunter Biden was indicted for income tax evasion in Los Angeles federal court Thursday. The indictment says Hunter failed to pay his taxes while indulging an extravagant lifestyle that included drugs, call girls, sex clubs, a beach house and Lamborghini. At least in L.A. he'll have a jury of his peers.
• National Geographic reported a turtle off the coast of Africa just celebrated its one hundred and ninety-third birthday on Saturday. Nature can fascinate us and nature can harm us as well. Botanists in the U.S. just discovered four new strains of Poison Ivy -- Harvard, Yale, Penn and Princeton.
• Harvard Yard was flown over by a Cessna Friday hauling a banner which read Harvard Hates Jews. The school's president is facing calls to resign over her equivocation on the issue. The anti-Semitism is so virulent on the Harvard campus, even the bin Laden family wants their donations back.
• New York was the site of loud and angry pro-Hamas protests in front of the Israeli consulate Sunday. I have a message for one of the college kids who I saw on TV at the protest holding up a sign with a rainbow background that read, Allah Loves Equality. Son, I will literally pay for your vasectomy.
• Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu refused to allow a cease fire, pointing out that it would allow Hamas to survive and continue attacking Israel. No quick solution appears imminent. Every guy I know is a Middle East expert but then you ask them where Jordan is, and they tell you he's retired.
• The History Channel detailed the history of the fourth-century bishop named St. Nicholas and how he evolved from the patron saint of Greece and Russia to Jolly Old St. Nick every Christmas. He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake. So Santa Claus is basically Bill Cosby.
• House Beautiful released the list of all 23 Hallmark Christmas movies for 2023. Over the years the Hallmark Channel has produced 563 Christmas movies using 17 actors, 5 locations and 3 plots. This year the American Atheists Society made an anti-Christmas TV movie called Nothing on 34th Street.
• The White House touted the latest job numbers and record high stock market as evidence of the success of Bidenomics. His administration is determined to stay on message. Kamala Harris, in her Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day address on December 7th urged Americans never to forget January 6th.
• New Yorkers stood outside the residential building to lay flowers where John Lennon was killed forty-three years ago on Thursday as John was walking outside to enjoy a little night air. Something even worse happened the night John Lennon was assassinated. Yoko Ono decided to keep making music.
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