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• The Wall Street Journal reported the abnormally high cost of food at the grocery stores this past year and revealed that high food prices are the year's top consumer concern among women. Last weekend London police arrested a man for offering women food for sex. He's been charged with dating.
• Bartender's Guide reported the booming restaurant and bar business in the nation's major cities fueled by the frantic Millennials dating scene. It took me several decades of dating to finally figure out that women are not looking for the perfect guy. They're looking for a way to eat without getting fat.
• The National Archives released more records on the JFK assassination in 1963, a day I'll never forget. During noontime homeroom announcements, the principal said the president has been shot, then added, Argus Hamilton report to the office. To this day, it's the biggest accidental laugh I ever got.
• House Republicans were reported Wednesday to be preparing to investigate the origins of Covid in China and into U.S. funding of gain-of-function research to the Wuhan Lab. It's fluid. The first explanation was that coronavirus spread to every country in the world, but China got it right off the bat.
• Richmond yielded to woke pressure Friday and took down their last Confederate statue. The music industry led the collapse. Last year Lady Antebellum changed her name to Lady A, the Dixie Chicks decided to change their name to The Chicks, and now the rock band Alabama will be known as Vermont.
• President Biden announced the U.S. will give fifty-five billion to Africa in reparations in the form of solar energy panels. So the actual reparations are going to the Democratic-donating solar panel companies. But if I may add, my solar-powered chain saw makes me feel less guilty about de-forestation.
• California's Reparations Panel is set to award six-figure reparations to everyone who's been past wronged but it could backfire. I have reparations coming and I'll be glad to do the TV commercial. If the Yankees seized your family's plantation after the Civil War, you may be entitled to compensation.
• The Saudi-sponsored LIV Tour will hold a tournament next year at Cedar Crest Country Club in Broken Arrow, outside Tulsa. There are doubts about the oil rich kingdom that is rigidly conservative and religiously fundamental getting involved in golf, but the Saudis said they refuse to judge Oklahoma.
• The National Retail Federation forecast that consumer savings from the pandemic could unleash a huge shopping week between Christmas and New Year's. Retail stores are gearing up. WalMart announced they will be closed on Christmas Day, so that both cashiers can be home with their families.
• Business Insider cited a study saying online dating yields happier marriages as it allows couples to specify their needs. An Iowa farmer recently advertised he's a fifty-six-year-old widower looking for a thirty-year-old wife who owned a large tractor. In addition, he asked to see a picture of the tractor.
• The Wall Street Journal reported only thirty percent of Republicans want Trump to run in 2024, while sixty percent of Democrats don't want Biden to run. They are two different men representing two different eras in American life. Donald Trump is cocaine, while Joe Biden is cocaine plus Fentanyl.
• The Rassmussen Poll came out this past week and revealed that Congress has a lower approval rating than ever before in history as the House and Senate plotted to blow up the budget deficit this week. It's our duty to remember that Washington can't solve all our problems. That's what beer is for.
• Politico reports Joe Biden snapped angrily at aides over how the media always dwells on how old he is. It's okay, a huge number of Americans have followed Joe's career for fifty years, and we just laugh at signs of aging. I'm not saying Joe Biden is old, but he's starting to plagiarize his own speeches.
• President Biden attended a Toys for Tots event to help thousands of poor kids receive a toy from Santa, the money raised buying thousands of toys from retail toy stores. It just drew more suspicions of Biden graft. Hunter Biden's love child is only four years old and already he's on the board at Toys R Us.
• Hunter Biden was reported hiring lawyers to help him survive January's House hearings on his laptop contents. Sometimes I wish that my father was the president today, so I could read all the stories about my drunken orgies, cocaine use and women in my past. It'd be fun to piece together my Twenties.
• Dr. Fauci leaped on TV Tuesday declaring we are still in the middle of the pandemic. We always manage to live with it and find a way to reduce casualties. We're still in the middle of the Civil War, only now the North fights with mail-in ballots and the South fights with beautiful blonde news anchors.
• The State Department listed the countries that might detain Americans and try to swap them for terrorists like Russia did for arms merchant Victor Boot. We never win these swaps. Last week the U.S. secured the release of WNBA player Brittney Griner in exchange for someone who can actually shoot.
• The Smithsonian reveals the U.S. refused the metric system when Congress passed the Jay Treaty in 1794 tying the U.S. to British trade, and thus maintaining the same Imperial system of weights and measurements. If God had wanted us to be on the metric system, Jesus would have had ten disciples.
• The Wall Street Journal released a poll which found Republicans now favor Florida Governor Ron DeSantis in 2024 by fourteen points over Trump. Right now DeSantis is beaming the benign countenance of a Christian holding four aces. That will last until Elon discovers he was born in Hawaii.
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