Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• Russell Brand was found guilty by a London jury after he was charged with six counts of rape and sexual assault and was told by his judge he faces 10 years in prison. So much for the World Cup chances for England's soccer team. They found their most prolific attacker in years and they lock him up.

• The FDA issued a warning that taking the weight loss drug Ozempic could cause serious eye problems. I fully appreciate the contributions of the obese to our daily lives. During the last big earthquakes in California, before she lost all that weight, Lizzo was what kept us in the Western Hemisphere.

• GOP Congressman Thomas Massie introduced articles of impeachment against Pete Hegseth Monday for breaking congressional law by waging the Iran war and sinking all those drug boats in the Caribbean. The drug boat targeting was so successful Venezuela's Navy has been re-named Coke Zero.

• President Trump hosted reporters in the White House press room Monday where he revealed that F-22 Navy fighter pilots spotted three UFOs speeding past them at 3 times the speed of the Navy jets. I think I've figured why extra-terrestrials are attracted to America. We're the universe's Jerry Springer Show.

• CEO of UFC Dana White appeared in the White House press room with President Trump Monday and they took questions. The questions got raucous and contentious. If nothing else, history will say that Donald Trump took Washington politics and raised it to the level of professional wrestling.

• President Trump set off MAGA alarm bells Monday when he said he'll work with Democrats on immigration. Right after the Democrats won Texas last week, a huge migrant caravan in Mexico began walking north to the border. The Rio Grande Valley is today enjoying Joe Biden Weather—83 and Hazy.

• President Trump said Monday he will pardon Pete Rose and called for Pete's admission to the Baseball Hall of Fame. It never ends. Last week at the Toy Hall of Fame Awards we learned that Pete Rose was also banned from the Toy Hall of Fame because he gambled with his children on Candy Land.

• Michigan's newly-elected Democratic Senator Abdul El-Sayed wasted no time Tuesday to fly to New York and make the network morning talk shows and ABC's The View. Sayed declared that Michigan is the Arab capital of America. Rand McNally changed its name on the map to Michigan-istan.

• The Washington Post reported that freshmen House Members descended on Washington this week for freshman orientation. They are promoting new ideas like abolishing ICE and decriminalizing prostitution. If they do both college boys won't have to go to Mexico to enjoy an affordable Spring Break.

• The Secret Service arrested 2 drivers who crashed into security fences near the White House Monday. They also caught an armed illegal alien near the White House who said voices told him to shoot Trump. Allowing The View to be simulcast in Spanish just doubles the danger to the President.

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