Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• Politico reports that Tuesday mid-term elections across the country set a record for the highest voter turnout in the history of U.S. mid-term elections. The stakes were high for both parties. I am so glad the election's finally over so we can go back to hating each other over the football teams we support.

• The Swing States elections featured pro-Israel free market capitalism in a death match against pro Palestinian sympathies and Socialism. Three networks predicted 3 outcomes. CNN predicted the Democrats would win, Fox News predicted the Republicans will win and TCM aired Gone with the Wind.

• President Trump was interviewed Monday and Trump vowed to be Mr. Veto if the Democrats take control of the House or Senate. Both parties' merchandise describes the standoff perfectly. The Republican Party's tee-shirt reads Leave Me Alone! while the Democratic Party tee-shirt reads No!

• Fox News wise owl Brit Hume warned conservatives Sunday that voters were overwhelmingly concerned over the price of gas and its effect on the price of food. The candidates knew this. Last Saturday night, Republican candidates asked the voters to set their clocks back to before Trump hit Iran.

• Mar a Lago air security received a scare Sunday afternoon when a private Lear jet bound for the Caribbean with 8 passengers plummeted from the sky and crashed not far from Trump's estate. The captain in the cockpit had a Christian name so it was not likely to affect the election in Michigan.

• Joe Scarborough led the roasting of Democrat U.S. Rep. Haley Stevens for going to church in Detroit with GOP Mike Rogers and endorsing him. It was an all-day media witch burning. By nightfall, there was a statue of Haley Stevens in Salem, Massachusetts next to Elizabeth Montgomery's.

• President Trump noted Monday he's done rallies in Texas, Oklahoma, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina, and North Carolina. It's always a thrill for him to take the stage when he's introduced. Trump takes great pride in being the only Confederate statue today that's being brought UP.

• President Trump spoke in Ohio and touted the benefits of Trump Accounts which could make every child in America rich by age 28. In addition, Elon Musk just announced he's going to give a share of his company to every kid in America. Not to be outdone, Hillary promised not to kill any of them.

• President Trump officially re-opened the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool Monday where he delivered a mid-term election address to the nation. I'd like to think Trump divined a lesson from Abe Lincoln as he stood by the pool. Never attend a play at Ford's Theater if Robert de Niro's on the bill.

• The University of San Francisco dropped its mascot The Dons after 90 years Monday saying the name represents a vestiges of Spanish Colonialism. The name is political poison in California. Candidates named Donald are changing their name to Adolf for a better chance at carrying Hollywood.

• The NFL continues its marketing to Europe this Sunday when the Atlanta Falcons will play the Cincinnati Bengals in Spain, where chaos reigns. Right now the southern half of Spain is overrun with illegal immigrants and the rest of the country speaks Spanish. They might as well play in California.

• Martha Stewart apologized for posting a photo of herself on the front porch of her New York estate dressed up for a Halloween party looking like homeless woman. I don't see why. She's only worth $400 million, so by New York cost-of-living standards, she might not have been in costume at all.

• The Oklahoma City Gazette picked up my newspaper monologues this month which I'm happy to say could give me many chances to perform back home, because over the years I never enjoyed anything more than performing at banquets in Oklahoma. I've entertained 3 governors. I performed for 6.

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