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• The New England Journal of Medicine states the average American gains two pounds during the holidays. It starts with the forty-five hundred calorie Thanksgiving dinner and ends with a feast on Christmas Day. The British people are in awe of Americans because we eat like we have free health care.
• Hilary Clinton posted a message Thursday wishing everyone a wonderful, delicious holiday full of gratitude for the presence of family and friends. For Thanksgiving the Clintons gathered at home in Chappaqua. In keeping with family tradition, the Clintons didn't kill the turkey, it committed suicide.
• The Daily Mail quoted Moscow stand-up comics who say they are watched by police for any Putin jokes but they get big laughs when they slip them into the act. I love it. In Russia, you can't make jokes in public about the president while in America, only public jokes can get elected president.
• Monica Lewinsky accused President Biden of mental calcification and cultural deafness. She added that Trump committed insurrection and shouldn't be allowed to run again, and she wants to apologize to Hillary. Now when they discover her body, Colombo will say we've got too many suspects.
• Haunted Mansion star Tiffany Haddish was arrested for DUI for the second time in one year Thursday after her show at the Laugh Factory. The secret to success in Hollywood is, it's not how many times you fall down, it's how many times you get back up. And that's just the roadside sobriety test.
• The California Association of Realtors reported Friday that the median rent in the Golden State for an apartment is three thousand dollars a month. That's not the whole story. Apartment rentals in California are sky-high for young people, however shoplifting is legal, so the living expense evens out.
• The White House was reported Monday to be split over President Biden's unqualified support for Israel while younger White House staffers support the Palestinians. The fog of war is nowhere near as cloudy as the fog of diplomacy. The Biden Doctrine states that Iran was responsible for 7-Eleven.
• President Biden offered an apology to Muslim American leaders in the White House Monday for doubting casualty numbers posted by Hamas. The conflict has completely taken over cable news the last six weeks. Say what you will about Hamas, but you have to admit they ended the war in Ukraine.
• President Biden was heckled by furious pro-Palestinian protestors in exclusive Nantucket twice Saturday when he stopped into town for a tree-lighting ceremony. I don't know how they got into town. The street sign at the city limits reads Welcome to Nantucket: This Is a Private Sign, Do Not Read.
• Argentina's newly elected libertarian populist president Javier Milei paid a visit to the United States Monday where American populists are hailing his victory. He was enthusiastically supported by Donald Trump. Milei and Trump are natural allies, for starters they have the same enemy, Super Cuts.
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