Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

The Transportation Department forecast huge Thanksgiving Week travel with the heaviest traffic in New York, Chicago and Los Angeles. It's a wonderful life. Also in New York, Chicago and Los Angeles, grocery stores are offering a free turkey to any customer that can run faster than their security.

• House Republicans announced they intend to form a committee to investigate President Biden to see if he received kickbacks from his son Hunter's deals with China and with Ukraine. English teachers should be watching closely. If Joe Biden goes to prison, it would be his first complete sentence.

• Nancy Pelosi stepped down from House leadership in an eloquent speech Thursday. She couldn't say goodbye without praising the Capitol Police during the storming of the U.S. Capitol. Well, I think the one thing the Capitol Police had in common with Nancy's husband is that they both opened the door.

• President Biden said Friday he will do all he can by legitimate means to keep Trump from taking power, and the Attorney General named a Special Counsel to probe him. This always backfires on the Democrats. Their last investigation found a polyp in his intestines and may have saved Trump's life.

• Vladimir Putin is reported using body doubles to prevent assassination and set to impose martial law. He's forcing prisoners to fight and he's blocking the young from exiting Russia to avoid military service. Sweden just introduced a new vodka featuring Vladimir Putin on the label called Absolut Idiot.

• Donald Trump won the Twitter poll which Elon Musk conducted Saturday, asking Twitter users if he should be reinstated. Trump won the poll, was reinstated and now the media is furious at Musk. Right after Trump was reinstated, CNN reported that a second Tesla has just hit the World Trade Center.

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• Crypto exchange founder Sam Bankman-Fried awaited likely extradition from the Bahamas last week after his FTX exchange went bankrupt, wiping out investor billions. He's why I'm a rich man today. I sold my crypto a day before the crash and bought Taylor Swift concert tickets at face value.

• The World Cup drew soccer fans from all over the world Sunday to the Persian Gulf kingdom of Qatar. Their royal family just issued an edict banning all alcohol sales at the stadium. If fans want to enjoy alcoholic spirits, they are free to bring a Ouija board and contact Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra.

• The Weather Channel reported that an early season Arctic front swooped into the Midwest off the Great Lakes and headed for the Eastern Seaboard, bringing winter weather in the middle of the fall. No one expected it. A massive snowstorm over the weekend buried Chicago, delaying hundreds of murders.

• L.A. District Attorney George Gascon is under intense pressure to drop his cashless-bail policy in light of the surge in crime. We're in our own world out here. A man at LAX was arrested last week carrying eight pounds of heroin in a plastic bag, and he's been charged with possession of a plastic bag.

• The Greater Miss Derry Pageant in New Hampshire last week became the first beauty pageant in the history of the Miss America Organization to crown a transgender male as the winner. Now, that's progress. The winner wowed the judges in the talent competition when she spelled her name in the snow.

• Jay Leno is reported in great spirits and joking with the hospital staff after an old steamer car he was working on exploded and burned the side of his face and chest. Doctors say he'll be good as new in a couple of grafts. The accident just confirmed that Jay Leno is the hottest comic since Richard Pryor.

• Senator Mark Warner said Trump was right in warning about the danger of Tik Tok which can be used by China to spy on the U.S. The platform allows anyone and everyone to be in show business for one short video. I think it's called Tik Tok is because when you see the videos you realize the end is near.

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