Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Argus Hamilton

By Argus Hamilton

Published Nov. 21, 2022

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report
House Republicans arrived back in Congress Wednesday and revealed plans to combat federal crime in major cities with mandates for tougher sentencing. A televangelist in Turkey has just been sentenced to eight thousand years in prison. He will be released in time to see Cher’s farewell concert.

Donald Trump’s presidential candidacy announcement only made page 26 of the Times. The left was too busy savaging Elon Musk for ending their monopoly on Twitter. Ivana Trump and Marla Maples would be giddy to see that Democrats have left Trump for a younger, slimmer and richer Trump.

The Wall Street Journal detailed the crash of FTX from which owner Sam Bankman-Fried bilked investors of billions on non-existent cryptocurrency products. So you’re telling me that your portfolio of Not Money isn’t worth any money? I guess Crypto isn’t worth the paper it wasn’t printed on.

The Republican Governors Conference was held in Orlando last week and Florida Governor Ron DeSantis received a long standing ovation after his speech. In addition, Chris Christie gave a speech slamming Trump. Christie’s speech was interrupted six times by applause and twice for pizza deliveries.

Texas Governor Greg Abbott cited the invasion clause in the Texas constitution to begin building a border wall to halt the flow of political asylum seekers. Venezuelan migrants are fleeing life under socialist rule for life under the Biden administration. So at least they got a nice long walk out of the deal.

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Politico reports the election of a Republican to Congress in Los Angeles gave Republicans the two hundred and eighteen Members the GOP needed to flip House leadership. Change is in the air. The result put Republicans in control of Congress and Hunter Biden in line to buy tickets to mainland China.

House Republicans returned to the Capitol November 17th and vowed hearings on Hunter’s deals with Ukraine and China. They say they’ll find out if Papa Joe received any kickbacks from the deals. Democrats charged the Republicans with invading the Capitol and formed the November 17th Committee.

FTX Crypto exchange went bankrupt Friday wiping out billions of dollars. A class action suit was quickly filed by investors against Tom Brady, Gisele Bundchen, Larry David and Stephan Curry for endorsing Crypto on TV ads as a safe investment. So far no word if diabetics will be suing Count Chocula.

FTX founder Sam Bankman-Fried was profiled Tuesday revealing that he ran a Crypto con, and is a Democratic donor and he sleeps with a bunch of women every night in the tax shelter Bahamas. He was pictured onstage at a conference hosted by Bill Clinton. I’ll just guess it wasn’t Promise Keepers.

The San Francisco City Council passed a measure to give trans-genders twelve hundred dollars a month. I’m heading for the women’s wear department. Woke progressives insist there are 79 genders, so if I claim I am all 79 of them, I can make ninety-five thousand a month just to eat, drink and be Mary.

The Justice Department may indict FTX owner Sam Bankman-Fried for scamming investors on his Crypto exchange that crashed Friday. I lost ten grand that day, but it’s worth it. I’ve been texting with a beautiful Chinese girl who recruited me online to invest in Crypto and I think she really likes me.