Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• USC coach Lincoln Riley faces the axe this weekend after 5 seasons if his Trojans lose to Ohio State. USC stole Lincoln from Oklahoma, who offered him the same $10 million to stay in Norman, but USC won him with the offer of a $2 million home in L.A. It's a 2 bedroom fixer-upper in the Valley.

• President Trump and Barack Obama traded insults all weekend while they campaigned in Michigan. Obama said Trump's White House looks like Saddam opened a Cheesecake Factory, but he's no architect himself. The Obama Library looks like Darth Vader opened a Scientology Center.

• Barack Obama arrived in Michigan this week to campaign for Democrats and Obama blasted away at Trump with a vengeance. It's a fact that Trump was a life-long Democrat until 2009 when Obama became president. He then switched parties and spent the next 17 years as a registered Defendant.

• Alabama mandated display of a poster of the 10 Commandments along with the Constitution, the Declaration of Independence and the Mayflower Compact. However the Mayflower Compact requires allegiance to the King of England. It's a little something the poster threw in for the Southerners.

• Ilhan Omar faces a fraud probe for posing as 17 when she was 18 to get automatically allowed in the U.S. from Somalia. This was a ploy widely used twenty years ago. At the time, claiming the age of 17 would grant her entry into the United States, not to mention political asylum on Epstein Island.

• Halloween approaches Saturday with kids dressed up as monsters and goblins haunting their neighborhood while the world's grownups deal with even scarier scenarios. Iranians fear an all-out war out with the U.S. military while Americans fear Thanksgiving with their relatives. I call that a draw.

• Instagram on Monday began testing a new option called Features which would allow content creators to air 90-minute videos on Instagram. It would be a new destination platform for podcasters and political activists and comedians. The goal is 60 million followers, if you want to tie Hitler's record.

• Microsoft on Monday offered a voluntary buyout program to 60,000 employees as the company turns to AI for greater efficiency. The voluntary packages are offered to workers in the United States, Canada, England and India. If you refuse the retirement offer you're free to jump out of Windows 2026.

• Former Labor Secretary and MSNBC pundit Robert Reich called for de-funding Elon Musk by the federal government nationalizing SpaceX and StarLink satellites. Reich bitterly opposed Musk buying Twitter in 2022 and restoring free speech. I can see why since Reich was getting $50,000 a speech.

• Fox News reports U.S. forces are poised for a major attack on Iran after Election Day. It was reported Monday that residents of Teheran this week are flooding stores and buying up rice, water, medicine and emergency supplies, in a wave of panic-buying. It's our most successful voter turnout campaign yet.

• President Trump called Bill Maher a pothead Monday, blasting Maher for showing up at their second White House dinner drinking. He's funny, drunk, stoned and he jokes about both parties. In other words Bill may be the only one your family can trust to sit near the carving knife this Thanksgiving.

• Kamala Harris led an all-star cast of Democrats to campaign for candidates in the Swing States last weekend, but working the road is no picnic. While campaigning outdoors for Democrats in Ohio, Senator Liz Warren was bit on the arm by a mosquito. And just like that, there went all her Indian blood.

• Russell Brand's rape trial in London entered its third week with lurid testimony from women describing his insatiable sexual appetite. He's running for Mayor of London in 2028. I guess holding high public office is the closest thing he can come to achieving his lifelong dream of screwing everybody.

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