Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• The Comedy Store is considering staging a show tour of Europe next summer that I'd host on stage. I'm trying to learn a little Spanish, German and French to open the show. I've learned that to say hello, in Germany you say Hallo, in Spain you say Hola, and in France you say Al-Salamu Alaykum.

• French rioters set fire to dumpsters in Paris Saturday and peaceful marches turned violent that night. I watched on TV the violence and burning and looting by the rioters, and I think I finally understand the message now. Palestine won't be free until every French student has a Louis Vuitton bag.

• French president Macron deployed 70,000 police in Paris Friday in the wake of a suspected terrorist attack as the nation braced for additional street rioting. Greta Thunberg joined the protests. She's demanding a homeland for Palestinian people so it can be destroyed by climate change in 6 years.

• Barack Obama traveled to Georgia to speak at a rally for the Democratic governor candidate Keisha Bottoms and Senate candidate Jon Ossoff. I think it's so racist that Obama has to deliver his speeches behind bulletproof glass. Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot anybody.

• Senator Elizabeth Warren demanded that any future Democratic Congress pass a billionaires tax to make Elon Musk to pay for social programs. Here's just a quick lecture. Progressives, you are supposed to be demanding billions in reparations for African Americans, not from American Americans.

• Ilhan Omar on Thursday deflected a question asking if she'd married her brother, and replied not to my knowledge. You can't go to jail for that answer, then hope the issue goes away. The next time the IRS calls me up and asks if I made any taxable income last year, I'll reply not to my knowledge.

• Marco Rubio urged the Cuban people to cooperate with the CIA and help overthrow the regime in Havana. The last time the United States invaded Cuba, every bottle of Coca-Cola had 3 grams of cocaine in it, and U.S. forces captured the island in just 37 days. Never say we can't win the war on drugs.

• Argus Hamilton's Comedy Store Tonight Show staged a second show Thursday night with my comedian guests Mark Maron, Eric Griffin and Al Madrigal. The merriment continued after the show when we all went to a deli and I ordered the Free Palestine Breakfast. The eggs had shells in them.

• Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones gave the host of Fox and Friends morning talk show host Steve Ducey a tour of his mansion in Dallas. It included his trophy room. If you are old enough to remember the last time the Dallas Cowboys won the Super Bowl, it's time to schedule that colonoscopy.

• Boston's Brigham Hospital researchers created an AI tool that reads your face and estimates how long you will live. AI doesn't always give you the answers you want. Yesterday I asked AI to set me up with a cute Generation Z brunette who would date me, and it booked me on a flight to Bangkok.

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