Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• Michigan Senator Elissa Slotkin warned young people to toe the Democrat Party line or face consequences. During the 2020 BLM marches in L.A., I went down to one knee in the Comedy Store parking lot along with 5 black fellow comics. But when I rolled six consecutive 7s, they chased me away.

• Elon Musk announced he'll give one share of SpaceX to every child in America to unleash universal high income through AI. Every kid already now gets tax-deductible, interest-generating Trump accounts. By 2050, quarterbacks will play college football for free to avoid any taxable income.

• The Los Angeles Times reports Kamala Harris will be campaigning in Georgia, Mississippi and New Hampshire this weekend. Tuesday it was Kamala's 62nd birthday and she was surprised by a dozen old friends at her Malibu home. The fun was ruined when Kamala realized it was an intervention.

• The Indianapolis Colts have reportedly offered Peyton Manning the post of General Manager and a part ownership in the Colts. He's been all over TV since he retired in 2016. It began with his one acting role in the FX series The People vs. O.J. Simpson when Peyton played the slow white Bronco.

• The New York Times reports that O.J. Simpson was assisted in the cover-up of the 1994 double murders in Brentwood of his ex-wife Nicole and Ron Goldman by the late New York mobster Joey Ippolito. I was heartbroken the day the L.A. jury found OJ innocent. I had already picked out my new TV.

• The New York Times reports that O.J. Simpson was assisted in the cover-up of the 1994 double murders of ex-wife Nicole and Ron Goldman by the late New York mobster Joey Ippolito. O.J. himself died of prostate cancer 2 years ago. After deliberating for 2 minutes, the jury found the cancer not guilty.

• The NFL announced the Pittsburgh Steelers and the New Orleans Saints will play in Paris Sunday as scheduled, but it was up in the air due to all the rioting, burning and looting of Paris for three weeks. This is all new to sports fans in Pittsburgh and New Orleans. They've never won the NBA championship.

• Paris Disneyland boarded up all its shops in the theme park to prevent looting. For once Disney is worried about somebody else doing all the stealing. With all the destruction of private property, Paris Disneyland has renamed Tomorrow Land, and it's now called Here Today, Gone Tomorrow Land.

• French socialists razed 1,800 businesses in Paris while rioting for more socialism benefits last weekend. Last night at the grocery store, a Socialist recognized me and told me he wants free food, free education, free rent, free medical and free gym membership. I asked him if he's tried going to prison.

• President Trump campaigned across the nation for GOP candidates this week. He's spreading goodies as he goes. In Texas Trump promised the $5,000 Trump dividend, in Ohio, direct payments to farmers for diesel fuel relief, and in North Carolina, he issued a presidential pardon for ketchup on eggs.

• The Department of Education announced it will cut off student loans and other aid for college degree programs that produce no financial future. Every case is different. My parents paid my way through the University of Oklahoma, but it took me 40 years to finishing paying off my student beer tab.

• The Santa Ana winds blew into Los Angeles last weekend as they do every October. It brought triple-digit heat to the city and roaring brushfires up on Mulholland Drive. On Saturday morning a William Morris agent woke up and saw the flames outside his window and he just assumed that he'd died.

• The FBI arrested a Somali for plotting to blow up the Mall of America. The Somali bomb makers have yet to discover the secret chemical formula for the bomb that's already destroying every shopping mall in America. You mix two parts Temu with one part Amazon, and poof, no mall in 5 years.

• The Pittsburgh Steelers and the New Orleans Saints are scheduled to play each other in Paris on Sunday. With riots burning, looting and sacking the city for 3 weeks, the NFL fears the disorder in France. Ten percent of the Paris population is Muslim and 90% now wish the Germans had never left.

• Tanya Tucker posted a video of her knocking back tequila shots promoting her new signature tequila brand Cosa Salvaje which means Wild Thing in Spanish. She entered the Betty Ford Center in 1988 for addiction to alcohol and cocaine. In the early 1980's I said no to drugs, but they refused to listen.

• Politico's poll shows JD Vance the GOP favorite for 2028 and Kamala Harris is leading all Democrats. When I consider that one candidate has a record of giving me 16 months off work, $980 a week unemployment and record low gas prices, I know who I'm voting for in 2028, Covid for President.

• President Trump reacted to events in Paris Monday, telling reporters that the rioting in Paris is due entirely to immigrants taking over France, showing how lucky we are to live in America. We got flying cars and O.J. asking the Mafia for help covering up the murders, all in one week. What a time to be alive!

• President Trump went on Truth Social to propose that New Mexico should change its name to New America, saying it isn't a part of Mexico. Several are under review. Prince Andrew was stripped of his title as Duke of York so maybe Trump might change New York to New Polanski for continuity's sake.

• President Trump said Monday it's time for Ukraine to have another peace negotiator beside President Zelensky. Trump's fighting a bad peace negotiations record himself. Trump's last White House Press Secretary lasted 5 days, which beat his Memorandum of Understanding with Iran by 2 days.

• The Michigan Senate race between Mike Rogers and Abdul El-Sayed pits a radical Democrat against a conservative Trump supporter. They held angry TV debate on October 8th. It gave every American who watched the bitter debate an idea of what Thanksgiving dinner is going to be like this year.

• House Democrats are reported to be planning investigations of President Trump and Trump's business interests if Democrats win control of Congress. He's survived two impeachments and four assassination attempts. History shows no political party ever overthrew a president after starting out 0-6.

• Politico reports Democrats have already topped spending $250 million on TV ads in the Texas U.S. Senate race for Talarico. Even Elon's money is backing Paxton TV ads. If there's one thing that politics has done for me this fall it's that the side effects they list on drug commercials don't seem so bad now.

• Ilhan Omar's lawyers accuse the DOJ of violating protocol by raiding a Member of Congress this close to Election Day. A Democratic judge signed off on the raid. She's being investigated for immigration fraud, lying on a U.S. document and appropriating Southern culture by marrying her brother.

• Fox News reported that citizens of conservative Alberta on Monday voted on a non-binding referendum seeking to secede from Canada. I don't know if the province would then try to join the United States. President Trump already offered to annex Alberta and re-name it Heterosexual Canada.

• White House officials disclosed Monday that the search is off for a new White House Press Secretary until after the mid-term elections. It has to be one of the most useless jobs in the history of government employment. President Trump needs a spokesman like Superman needs a fitness trainer.

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