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• McDonald's is investing $9 billion to install AI robots at drive-thru windows to take orders and suggest additions and hand out orders through the window. I prefer the human experience that dining inside McDonald's provides. Today I ate a Kids Meal and his mother is still really angry about it.
• Sir Paul McCartney told his podcast interviewer Thursday he remembers the moment he was born, waving his arms, and describing the white tiles on the walls of the baby delivery room and the aroma of his umbilical cord. It's a cautionary tale. This is why senior citizens should never take LSD.
• Bill Clinton hosted Dallas Cowboy owner Jerry Jones for Jerry's 84th birthday Tuesday with an appearance at the Little Rock Touchdown Club where the two likeable rascals laughed it up together. What do you get when you cross Bill Clinton and Jerry Jones? You get found in your cell, unresponsive.
• Jerry Seinfeld turned the tables on pro-Palestinian hecklers during his show at the Chicago theater and mocked their chants as security evicted them. Comedians have protected status. Trump can cancel the airing of a terrorist being executed by a firing squad but he can't cancel Jimmy Kimmel.
• President Trump canceled the Pentagon's plans to stage the firing squad execution of the Fort Hood mass murderer Nidal Hasan on live-stream. To be honest it runs against America's traditions to broadcast the firing squad execution of a terrorist live on the air. A tape delay allows for commercials.
• President Trump said he's taking on the Central American drug traffickers Thursday, ordering hundreds of U.S. troops from the New York State Mountain Division to deploy to Panama. They face one logistical challenge. Once the troops arrive, their first mission will be to find a mountain in Panama.
• The Michigan Senate race is reported dead even between Democrat Abdul El-Sayed and Republican Mike Rogers. The candidates are tied 50%-50% when voters are asked which do you want for your Senator. However Mike Rogers leads 96%-4% when asked which would you want for your airline pilot.
• Majority Leader John Thune said there's no path for the Sunshine Protection Act to pass the Senate to make Daylight Savings year-round. We set the clocks back and get the extra hour next Sunday. Gee thanks, but getting an extra hour in 2026 is like receiving a bonus song on a Yoko Ono CD.
• Cornell University announced Tuesday it's banning all fraternity parties on campus the entire year. For me college fraternity life set the pattern for a happy rollicking lifestyle that lasted until my first rehab at age 30. I think I might run for president in 2028 just to find out what I did in my 20's.
• Legally Blonde star Selma Blair was arraigned for assaulting Delta flight attendants and trying to open the emergency door. Who knows, she may have panicked for a reason. She may have been the only passenger listening when the voice came over the speakers saying this is your pilot, Mohammed.
• Netflix said its 1,000 job layoffs fell heavily on its Human Resources department, which could reduce DEI casting. In Bridgerton, Netflix cast a black actress as King George III's German wife Charlotte. My ophthamologist showed me a photo of the actress in full costume to see if I can roll my eyes.
• The U.S. 9th Circuit sided with ICE agents, ruling California cannot force ICE or FBI agents to wear uniforms. They don't need uniforms to raid an illegal criminal safe house. One ICE agent knocks on their front door while another ICE agent runs around to their back door and yells, Come in!
• Gavin Newsom signed a reparations bill creating an agency that will identify all the people in California who are the descendents of slaves in America. My girlfriend plans to apply. She's not black, but she can prove her great-grandfather worked as an extra in six Bible movies playing an Israelite.
• A Guatemalan teenage girl woke up alive in her casket in Guatemala City. She'd fainted and her dad just assumed she'd died and didn't take her to the hospital. It's was either a stupid mistake by her father or Guatemala just tied Judea's 2,000-year-old record for the Most Number of Resurrections.
• Rahm Emanuel urged Socialists to form their own party so that mainstream Democrats don't get pulled into DSA radical demands. Socialism always creates an underground black market economy where everything is tax free. I can remember when Instagram meant the dealer lives next door.
• President Trump expressed reservations about having the firing squad execution of the Fort Hood shooter Nidal Hassan to be live-streamed. Ten sharpshooters might leave a bloody mess. Also, the condemned murderer is in a wheelchair, so you‘d think they least they could do is give him a head start.
• President Trump criss-crossed the nation this week giving speeches of epic length to crowds in Alaska and Arizona. There's a fine line between a one-hour speech and a hostage situation. If Trump needs to get help, there is a new 12-step recovery group for compulsive talkers called On and On.
• President Trump's deal buying diesel oil from Russia was deemed by many to be illegal under the current sanctions law. McDonald's, Pizza Hut, Coca-Cola and Taco Bell are banned from doing business in Russia. As a result, the Russian people are the healthiest they have ever been in their history.
• The Walt Disney Company raised the ticket prices to Disneyland to $105 to $225 per ticket last weekend. The most popular ride remains the roller coaster ride around the Matterhorn. It is now cheaper for a family of 4 to fly to Switzerland, rent a car and go for a ride around the actual Matterhorn.
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