Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

SIGN UP FOR THE DAILY JWR UPDATE. IT'S FREE. (AND NO SPAM!) Just click here.

• Hollywood producer Alan Stephan announced Roseanne Barr will star in a new sitcom called Mee Maw co-starring the goofy, wacky and unpredictable Randy Quaid as her husband. This is his time to shine. America sees itself as Dennis Quaid while the rest of the world sees us as Randy Quaid.

• Consumer Reports noted a growing aggravation among consumers is the problem of product shrink-flation, that we are paying more money for even less product nowadays. Friday night at the Palm restaurant I ordered a steak and I told the waiter to put it on my American Express card. And it fit.

• The FBI arrested an 18-year-old Somali-American in Minneapolis who’d sworn allegiance to ISIS for plotting an AK-47 attack on the Mall of America. Some immigrant groups resist assimilation. Minnesota prides itself as The Land of 10,000 Lakes and Somali pirates are now in control 3,500 of them

• The Mall of America in Minneapolis was targeted by an attempted terror attack thwarted by the FBI last week. I love the experience of being with people at shopping malls, and online shopping isn’t always reliable. You can bet this is the last time Tennessee gets its lethal injection drugs from Temu.

• Tennessee’s twice surviving death row execution inmate Christa Pike was reported Friday to be sitting up in her hospital bed and speaking. Two supposedly lethal injections failed to kill the convicted murderer. Bobby Kennedy was first to point out it’s just more proof that vaccines don’t work.

• The Students for Justice in Palestine hosted a vigil at UCLA on October 7th that didn’t address the massacre of Israelis. If I noticed anything promising in all the turmoil in the news this week, it appears that the Palestinians have finally been granted their own state. It’s France.

• New York Mayor Zohran Mamdani was vilified by his own pro-Palestinian protestors in New York Wednesday for acknowledging the Hamas attack on Israelis. Say what you want about Hamas but their system of education is top notch. Over 90% of the school kids in Gaza become rocket scientists.

• UCLA hosted a Social Justice for Palestine student protest on campus Wednesday. I happened to be in nearby Westwood Village that day and saw a kid at a booth selling DVDs on which he’s downloaded the Koran on one DVD, so I asked him to burn me a copy. That’s when the trouble started.

• The U.S. Air Force reacted to terror threats in England by withdrawing the awesome B-2 stealth bombers that look like giant black bats flashing by. After seeing them fly overhead a few times, the Iranian Revolutionary Guard has a new saying. It’s all fun and games until the sky starts losing Pixels.

• The History Channel magazine ran an article titled The 35 Craziest Things that Happened in the 1970s. How insanely hilarious was America then? Good Housekeeping’s 1976 poll voted O.J. Simpson the Most Trusted Man in America, First Lady Betty Ford was voted the Most Admired Woman in America three years before she got sober and Sports Illustrated named Bruce Jenner Man of the Year.

• President Trump pressed Russia on its bio-lab leak that killed a worker with the plague. I think it’s wrong to blame the president for pandemics. Covid was not Trump’s fault, Ebola was not Obama’s fault and SARS was not Bush’s fault, and only a few scattered cases of Herpes were Bill Clinton’s fault.

• President Trump in San Antonio introduced native Texan Roger Clemens, kept out of the Hall of Fame for suspected steroids use, to the audience. Trump said he’ll award Clemens the Medal of Freedom. The last time Roger was this close to a plaque was when the dentist told him to brush more.

• Men’s Health magazine this month recommended a diet plan for senior men that builds muscle mass, promotes heart and prostate health, and optimizing testosterone. All I can say is, we all mean well. Yesterday I entered what I ate into my new fitness app and it dispatched an ambulance to my house.

• Science Alert warned gay men not to have sex with a man who’s had diarrhea the past 2 weeks due to a rapidly spreading strain of Shigella. It’s an STD which itself results in chronic diarrhea that’s thus far untreatable. But straight people, on the other hand, are sexually safe to dine at Taco Bell.

• President Trump’s former White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt signed with Fox News, joining former press secretary Kayleigh McEnany with Fox. The new White House Press Secretary Barbie is expected to sell out by Christmas. The doll features blonde hair, blue eyes and a concealed-carry permit.

• Nicole Brown Simpson’s sister Denise Brown just wrote a memoir about Nicole’s battered life with O.J. Simpson. Other reports of domestic abuse in Hollywood are sometimes just a publicist spreading a lie to keep their client’s name in the papers. Tabloids say Tom Cruise drugged a woman to see Digger.

• TV Guide reports Fox News won the cable news rating race over MS-NOW and CNN in the 3rd quarter. Fox had twice the viewers of MS-NOW and four times that of CNN. In a related story, Mattel reports the classic blonde Barbie doll outsold all the ethnic Barbies by a 6-1 margin over the same period.

• The Wall Street Journal quoted advocates of Artificial Intelligence Wednesday who said that AI could aid health care in the future and lead to unlimited life spans. I completely believe it. People are already living longer now thanks to cancer drugs, diabetes drugs and Tennessee execution vaccines.

• President Trump gave a speech for Texas GOP candidates in San Antonio Wednesday at the Freeman Coliseum near the site of the Alamo. That’s the battle where in 1836 it took 3,000 Mexicans two weeks to defeat 250 cowboys. This illustrates the problems you face when you pay people by the hour.

• President Trump expanded Trump Accounts to include every kid in America under 18. They plant $1,000 seed money to investment accounts that will grow exponentially with tax-free contributions and compound interest. It’s estimated that by 2050 these accounts could produce 75 million Republicans.

• Governor Gavin Newsom signed a 100% state tax on any $5,000 Trump awards to Americans for voting in a GOP Congress. With 30 million adults in California that’d bring in $150 billion in state revenues. My goodness, that’s enough to finance 2 more feet of track for Gavin’s high speed rail project.

(COMMENT, BELOW)