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• The Hollywood Reporter predicted a huge box office for Universal's Halloween new release Five Nights at Freddy's. Movie theaters are now full of terrifying coming attractions. In one trailer I saw a human hand reaching up from the grave, and it was Dianne Feinstein voting for the next spending bill.
• Health Day News reported just-released statistics from the CDC reporting that thirty-five percent of Americans are now obese. My grocery store does what it can to accommodate human nature. On the cookie aisle the Double Stuffed Oreos are labeled Oreos and the regular Oreos are called Diet Oreos.
• Hunter Biden pleaded not guilty to buying a handgun while lying on the federal form about his drug addiction. He was then living with his parents. Of course, Joe and Jill are happy Hunter kicked his crack and heroin habit, and they're just as thrilled they no longer have to eat their cereal with a fork.
• White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre was bombarded over the president's agreement to build a border wall despite his own insistence that it won't work. Who says a border wall won't work? The Chinese built one six-hundred years ago and they still don't have any Venezuelans in China.
• President Biden addressed reporters curious about his border wall flip flop Thursday and Joe blamed the necessity of building it on House appropriations. It just never ends. Biden authorized construction of a 20-foot wall Thursday, prompting Venezuela to begin construction on a 21-foot ladder.
• Homeland Security was reported Thursday to have begun arranging for Border Patrol officials to fly Venezuelan migrants back home to Venezuela. They are fleeing poverty, oppression, inflation, censorship and one-party socialism. They've had enough of the United States and they want to go home.
• GOP Congressman Matt Gaetz sent Congress into chaos by affecting the overthrow of Speaker McCarthy with a new rule that allows one member to call for a no-confidence vote. Each Speaker will now last about as long as a Taylor Swift relationship. Congress has a new motto, if it ain't broke, break it.
• The Roanoke College girls swimming team in Virginia banded together to protest the attempted inclusion of a transgender woman swimmer on the team. We're all adjusting to a changing culture. I was born in the Southeastern area of Oklahoma called Little Dixie, my persona pronouns are He-Haw. .
• The House of Representatives was thrown into chaos and a one-week-long hiatus Tuesday after Congressman Matt Gaetz engineered the overthrow of Speaker McCarthy. Democrats in the Senate were gleeful over the House mess. Elizabeth Warren congratulated Matt Gaetz on getting his first scalp.
• Congressman Kevin McCarthy endured a tense roll call vote on the floor of the House Tuesday as Members had to vote on his fate as Speaker of the House. It was shown live on all the cable news networks. In keeping with tradition, the cameras cut to Taylor Swift sitting in the gallery after every vote.
• Congressman Matt Gaetz engineered the Speaker's downfall Wednesday and was reported to be angry that McCarthy placed him under a House ethics probe over underage dating. He looks like Billy Graham's evil twin. Gaetz wanted to dump McCarthy so badly you'd think he just turned eighteen.
• House Speaker pro-tem Patrick McHenry ordered Nancy Pelosi to vacate her special hideaway office just off the Chamber after Tuesday's overthrow of Speaker McCarthy. The voting atmosphere was tense. Congresswoman Lauren Boebert tried to vote for the Speaker, but she pulled the wrong lever.
• President Biden addressed the House chaos Wednesday and said we need to end the poisonous atmosphere in Washington, D.C. Joe was gracious not to boast about other news. It's official, the Secret Service has now suffered from less bullet wounds than canine incisor wounds since its creation.
• Homeland Security's Alejandro Mayorkas suddenly announced the U.S. will build a wall on the U.S. border. Venezuelans fleeing socialism in Venezuela heading north are encountering Americans fleeing socialism in America heading south. It's turned the Rio Grande into the Ayn Rand Fall Retreat.
• Donald Trump accused New York Democrats of using the justice system to stop his 2024 campaign by scheduling one trial after another during election year Tuesday. The same day, Forbes dropped Trump from its List of Wealthiest Americans. However, four of his defense lawyers were added to the list.
• Hunter Biden rented a house in Malibu for eighteen grand a month and listed his occupation as artist. I wouldn't describe Southern California as an artist's colony. However it's an article of faith in L.A. that you should never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of paintings by Picasso.
• The U.S. government conducted an emergency alert drill Wednesday which sent a test message to every television, radio and cell phone in the nation to test its effectiveness. Just to ease everyone's mind, the nationwide emergency alert was merely a test. No one has given Brittney Spears access to any knives.
• Vladimir Putin conducted nuclear war drills in Russia and then Monday he threatened World War III on the West. He revealed he has a hypersonic missile that can get to Los Angeles from Russia in forty minutes. That is faster than it takes a car to get to Los Angeles from Los Angeles.
• Austria is converting Hitler's birthplace into a police station to keep New Nazis from making it a shrine. In my life I've seen Nixon, Reagan, both Bushes, Obama and Trump called Hitler. Austria should turn the house over to Disney who could convert Hitler's birthplace into a new Hall of Presidents.
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