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• Mattel released a black Barbie and white Barbie and Jewish Barbie as part of Mattel's Fall Holiday Sweaters collection for WalMart. Some complain that Jewish Barbie has a hooked nose. Muslim Barbie can speak, but nobody knows what she says, because everybody is afraid to pull the string.
• Iran's President Mahmoud Pereshkian addressed the UN Wednesday and issued a fiery refusal to surrender, causing oil prices to rise. I now understand why the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse signaling the end of the world in the Book of Revelation were riding on horses. It was the price of gas.
• Iran's President Mamoud Perekkian addressed the UN General Assembly Wednesday and declared Iran will never bow down or yield to Trump's threat to annihilate Iran. Iran's president may still be in Manhattan. His travel agent booked him on a direct flight into the Empire State Building.
• Caesar's Palace shareholders approved a $17.6 billion takeover bid by a private investor to take the casino conglomerate private. Caesar's tries to recreate the action, excitement and underworld glamour of old Las Vegas. The buffet is to die for, and the iced sculpture is a former member of the Mob.
• Swan Song: Princess Diana is a bio by Princess Diana's brother Charles Earl Spencer. The brother says Diana divorced Prince Charles in 1992 because he was having a gay affair with his valet. The Queen wore black gloves to Diana's funeral because her white ones were covered with brake fluid.
• Fox News says Democrat Senate candidates are starting to dodge the issue of biological men in women's sports. And women's sports are soaring in popularity. I can't believe I'm saying this, but today the University of Oklahoma hopes to build a football team that the Girl's Softball Team can be proud of.
• CNN, NBC and Politico reporters were allowed by a federal judge to return to covering the White House Thursday, allowing NBC, CBS, ABC and Fox News to end their coverage boycott in solidarity. For two days Donald Trump was not on TV. Doctors kept him alive by showing him old clips of himself.
• President Trump flew to Knoxville Saturday for the college football game between the Texas Longhorns and Tennessee Volunteers. His security as always was very tight. BilI Clinton is the only other president who had to live under the daily threat of assassination, and that was from his wife.
• The DEA issued an urgent warning to college students about the dangers of today's party drugs on campus. Regarding party drugs, I smoked weed in college then I graduated and moved to L.A. and I haven't smoked pot since the night I tried cocaine in 1976. The last joint I rolled was my ankle.
• Fox News reports China Aerospace Corporation just sold Iran components for 1,300 drones and missiles. Lockheed Martin is providing the U.S. and allies the rockets to shoot them down. I love this time of year when the playoffs arrive and we finally get to see which defense contractor wins the war.
• President Trump held a lavish state dinner for China's visiting President Xi at the White House Thursday. With China in the news that day, I decided to dine at a Panda Express for the first time, and I ordered a 10 piece box of fried chicken. However when I put the 10 pieces together, they formed a cat.
• Israeli Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu Thursday addressed the UN General Assembly. The room got up and walked out after his opening remarks. The exact same thing happened to me in 1998 when I opened with a Monica Lewinsky joke at the Church of Christ Convention in Oklahoma City. l a studio executive today, Paramount would be threatening to move to Epstein Island.
• President Trump met China's President Xi at the White House Thursday and negotiated the pace of AI development, respecting its ominous possibilities. I know how this global challenge is going to turn out. One of these days AI is going to tell a woman she's wrong, and that day will be the end of AI.
• President Trump gave Xi a red carpet welcome at the airport Wednesday. A military flyover greeting was not covered by the news channels because of the boycott over Trump kicking CNN and MS NBC out of the White House. The ceremony did appear on Trump TV, right after Leave It to Donald
• Chuck Schumer and Liz Warren were joined by other Senate Democrats to demand that Trump make no concessions to the Chinese. Trump wants China to buy U.S. farm products and to order lots of Boeing airliners. They're great for getting rid of Chinese dissidents when the emergency doors fly open.
• President Trump became the first president in 64 years to greet a foreign leader personally at Andrews Air Force Base Wednesday. The Chinese are very appreciative of proper protocols. On the way to the White House Xi stopped at the Pentagon to lay a wreath at the Tomb of the 4-to-6 Week War.
• Venezuela's acting President Delcy Rodriguez spoke to the UN Wednesday and thanked Trump for moving Venezuela toward democracy. Trump abducted the dictator Maduro and sank 47 cocaine boats. Meteorologists learned this year that blasting cocaine all over the Caribbean prevents hurricanes.
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