Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• The United Nations General Assembly was gaveled to order Monday as the world's leaders and diplomats descended on New York City to confer and strike deals. New York was chosen as the site for the U.N. in 1945 for one reason. It saves hundreds of call girls the expense of a flight to Geneva.

• President Trump told the UN General Assembly he faces a stark choice of either striking a deal with Iran or completely annihilating the Islamic Republic. I realized during Trump's speech why there are no Iranians on the crew of the Starship Enterprise. It's because the show was set in the future.

• New York mayor Mamdani said Tuesday he still wants Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu jailed while he's in New York over a World Court conviction. I've got the solution. To keep himself from being jailed while he's in New York, Bibi needs to commit an armed street robbery, get arrested and be released on cash-free bail.

• Democrat Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio Cortez said Tuesday she's still weighing whether she will run for the Democratic nomination for president in 2028. Well, here we go again. Every time the Democrats run a woman for president Donald Trump ends up being the leader of the Free World.

• Sydney Sweeney was ripped by female athletes for what they called sexualizing women's sports with her nude ad for a sports betting site. Sydney's fiercest critic, and I swear this is true, is Australia's gold medalist Olympic swimmer Arianne Titmus. Whenever the joke writes itself, I just shut up and duck.

• President Trump reached a deal with Denmark and Greenland on Monday that gives the U.S. total military control over Greenland. I can tell you how this ends. If 100 Anglo Saxons colonized Antarctica, within the century, people from all over the world would be migrating illegally to Antarctica.

• A Fox News poll released Tuesday showed that 53% of Americans think ICE deportations have gone too far. While jogging along a Beverly Hills sidewalk in a dark night last week, my left forearm got stabbed by an untrimmed hedge branch sticking out. I say we allow landscapers and Shakira to stay.

• Gavin Newsom hosted a World Climate Change Conference in New York Monday and sounded the warning that the planet is in danger. It's the fire drill that never ends. After being forced to listen to this noise for 40 years, I've concluded that global warming is the number-one cause of documentaries.

• Politico reported background checks are underway on all the possible 2028 candidates. In high school I was a delegate at Oklahoma's Boys State convention and they elected ME Attorney General, not matched in bad voter judgment till 1976. That's when Good Housekeeping's annual poll named O.J. Simpson the Most Trusted Man in America and Sports Illustrated named Bruce Jenner Man of the Year.

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