Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• Hunter Biden went on WABC Radio in New York and announced he may run for president in 2028. You go, Hunter! Having been caught on his laptop video viewing porn, lying naked in bed doing cocaine with strippers and hookers, the presidency might be the only job Hunter is qualified to do.

• Hunter Biden went on a WABC radio interview in New York Sunday and announced that he may run for President of the United States in 2028. We've all had the chance to take the measure of this man. It'll be the first time Hunter Biden has run since his stash was discovered in the White House.

• The National Football League season opening week includes the L.A. Rams and San Francisco 49ers playing Thursday in Australia. Upon arrival at Sydney airport, customs welcomes you by checking to see if you have a prior criminal record. It's Australia's way of offering birthright citizenship.

• The Socialist Convention was held in Chicago last weekend as the Left spelled out its radical agenda to substantially alter the United States government and culture. They are amenable to changes. The Lindsay Clancy murder case has moved Progressive women to finally support stay-at-home moms.

• King Charles stated Prince Harry and Meghan will not have royal titles, royal status and not be addressed as His or Her Royal Highness. And Harry and Meghan will NOT be working members of the Royal Family, the King added. It keeps everyone in the Palace from having to watch their language.

• Fox News says Quaaludes outlawed in 1984 are back on the drug scene, inspired by the movie The Wolf of Wall Street. They make women sleepy and sexually aroused. Underground chemists are trying to bring back the lurid late-night sex scene of the late 1970s and early 1980s, and the Cosby Show.

• The U.S. and Canada faced a midnight deadline to avert a tariff war. The posturing got nasty. Trump vowed to annex Canada and make it a U.S. National Park, with special ticket prices for Canadian citizens, while Mark Carney changed the name of Lake Michigan to Lake Epstein Files.

• The USS Abraham Lincoln carrier finally ended a one year tour of duty in the Middle East and made port in Thailand. The captain released 5,000 sailors on a 5-day shore leave in lurid Bangkok. After an entire year of seeing men dresses as sailors, it will be refreshing to see them dressed as women.

• The USS Abraham Lincoln began sailing home from the Middle East the long way last week around Asia and gave 5,000 sailors a five-day shore leave in Bangkok. It's the beautiful hooker capital of Southeast Asia. The Navy is taking 5 days to completely restock the ship with food, fuel and penicillin.

• The Republican Party is holding its first-ever GOP Mid-Term Convention in Dallas to promote GOP candidates and issues in the November elections. There aren't enough socialists on one side or libertarians on the other side to change anything. If the Republicans win, it's high prices and party warfare, and if the Democrats win it's high prices and party warfare, only gayer.

• Closer magazine reports a large number of Baby Boomers who've remained bachelors are now looking for a mate to marry, including myself, and I'm searching for only two qualities in a wife. Doesn't have a penis and won't kill the kids. It's like finding a needle in a haystack in West Hollywood.

• Florida Governor Ron DeSantis said Friday that Tiger Woods will still be allowed to drive a golf cart while he's on a golf course. Tiger had just been sentenced for his latest car accident. Two days earlier Tiger Woods's driver's license was revoked for 5 years after the court discovered he is half-Asian.

• Sporting News reports the Southeastern Conference football leads the world in attendance for each sporting event. Tribalism and school pride run deep. Friday, LSU police reminded fans that marijuana is illegal and urged everybody to make the responsible choice and drink for 16 straight hours.

• CNN reports recovery groups are springing up that teach drug or alcohol management over abstinence. A comic told me she's California Sober, meaning she doesn't drink but still smokes pot. I thought that over and I concluded I'm Ayatollah Sober, I no longer drink but I still slaughter crowds.

• The Trump administration will be petitioning the Supreme Court to approve Trump's executive order this week requiring the USPS to verify mail-in ballots with voter rolls before sending them on to be counted. The president will deliver the appeal to the Supreme Court in person. He doesn't trust the mail.

• The Washington Post reports a Maryland man was arrested Friday for making repeated threats on Facebook to assassinate President Trump. At the very least he should be in Facebook jail. It's just like regular jail in that you are all alone, you write on walls, and you get poked by strangers every night.

• A New York Post article Sunday listed all the attempts to kill President Trump. They tried with a forklift in 2016, ricin in 2020, twice with a sniper rifle in 2024, a shotgun in April 2026 and a drone in July 2026. I advise Trump to stay off the TV cooking shows or they'll throw in the kitchen sink.

• President Trump's job approval rating in Friday's Rasmussen Poll rose to 44% with 50% disapproval. I have a suggestion to raise Trump's numbers. Could we just go back to re-naming schools, highways and military bases after Confederate generals and leave the bodies of water alone?

• The United Nations adopted the Equal Earth world map that shows continents their actual size. It shows Africa 14 times larger than depicted on the standard Mercator map, and was overwhelmingly approved by the General Assembly vote. Apparently, Africa dropped its pants at the UN for the first time.

• Countdown to Zero is a new documentary about the withdrawal from Afghanistan 5 years ago this week. Afghans chased departing U.S. planes down the runway hoping for a ride. Many Muslims converted to Scientology hoping it'd let them hang onto an airplane wing in flight like Tom Cruise does.

• The Lindsey Clancy child murder case ended in mistrial when one juror refused to acquit after seven long weeks. As the judge banged the gavel declaring a mistrial, the TV cameras showed the furious faces of the women on the jury glaring at the male holdout. They looked like they wanted to strangle him.

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