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Anxiety helped us survive as a species and remains part of our shared human condition. But many people today carry levels of anxiety that their minds and bodies were never designed to sustain. When that happens, anxiety can become like a dog that barks at everything: warning us away from goals we should pursue, people we should trust and experiences we might otherwise enjoy.
The feelings of anxiety, however compelling, can often be reduced through simple, practical interventions.
Try these techniques and notice which ones work best for you.
1. Lengthen the exhale
When we're anxious, our breathing changes automatically. Some people subtly hold their breath, almost like an animal trying not to be detected. Others breathe rapidly and shallowly, as if preparing for flight.
Rapid, shallow breathing — and breath-holding — can keep the nervous system in a state of threat and vigilance. Over time, the brain may begin interpreting physical sensations such as dizziness, tightness or tension as signs of danger, which can intensify anxiety further.
To calm these physical responses, try:
— Inhaling for a count of 4
— Exhaling for a count of 6 to 8
Longer exhales stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system and reduce threat activation. Even one minute can help.
2. Temperature shift
Psychologist Marsha Linehan incorporated temperature-shifting techniques into dialectical behavior therapy to help calm states of intense emotional arousal.
Splashing cold water on your face or holding ice near your eyes and cheeks can create rapid temperature changes that activate the body's "dive reflex." When that occurs, heart rate slows and physiological activation decreases.
In moments of panic or overwhelm, this can help shift the nervous system out of a heightened fight-or-flight state more quickly than thought-based strategies alone.
3. Relax the eyes and widen the gaze
Anxiety tends to narrow attention, pulling us into a kind of tunnel vision that keeps the brain scanning for danger.
One surprisingly effective way to interrupt that state is to soften your gaze and widen your field of vision. Instead of focusing on a screen, your thoughts or the source of your stress, try:
— Relaxing your eyes
— Noticing your peripheral vision
— Looking toward the horizon
These small shifts can subtly signal to the nervous system that the environment is safer than the anxious mind believes.
4. Reframe your thoughts
Acceptance and commitment therapy teaches us that the goal isn't necessarily to eliminate anxious thoughts, but to change our relationship to them.
Once we recognize a thought as a thought — rather than an objective truth — we can ask a different question:
"What would I want to do right now if anxiety wasn't getting in the way?" For example: I would …
— Make the phone call
— Attend the event
— Speak up
— Rest
— Set a boundary
— Stay present instead of retreating into avoidance
Anxiety may still come along for the ride, but it's no longer driving the bus.
In addition, instead of telling yourself:
— "Everything is going wrong."
— "They won't like it if I call."
— "I made a fool of myself."
Try:
— "I'm having the thought that everything is going wrong."
— "I'm having the belief that they won't like it if I call."
— "I'm having the fear that I made a fool of myself."
Often, the nervous system reacts not to reality itself, but to the story the mind is constructing about what might happen next. Treating a thought as a mental event rather than a fact can create psychological distance from anxious thinking instead of becoming fused with it.
5. Get into the details
Anxiety often collapses many different feelings into one overwhelming experience, but the brain becomes calmer and more flexible when we name emotions more precisely.
Neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett recommends a skill she calls "getting granular" with emotions.
For example, instead of simply saying:
"I'm anxious."
Ask yourself whether you are:
— Disappointed
— Uncertain
— Embarrassed
— Lonely
— Pressured
— Vulnerable
— Anticipating failure
Research suggests that the more accurately and specifically we identify what we're feeling, the easier it becomes for the nervous system to respond effectively rather than react automatically.
6. Turn toward the feeling
Many approaches to anxiety treatment emphasize turning toward difficult feelings rather than immediately trying to escape or suppress them.
Instead of asking:
"How do I make this go away?"
Try asking:
"Can I make more room for this feeling right now?"
Paradoxically, emotions often become more manageable when they are approached with curiosity and acceptance rather than resistance.
Even briefly acknowledging sensations — tightness in the chest, racing thoughts, dread, vulnerability — can reduce the secondary fear that something is wrong with you for feeling anxious.
7. Give yourself a break
Anxiety often intensifies when we become harsh, judgmental, critical or unforgiving toward ourselves.
Research suggests that self-compassion tends to increase resilience more effectively than self-attack.
Psychologist Kristin Neff encourages experimenting with a different internal voice — not indulgent or avoidant, but supportive, steady and realistic.
Begin noticing how you speak to yourself. Are you:
— Harsh?
— Judgmental?
— Shaming?
Work on replacing that voice with one that is more compassionate and tender, much as you would speak to a child or someone you love who was struggling in the same way.
You can also try placing a hand on your chest, cheek or forearm while breathing slowly. Physical self-soothing can cue safety to the nervous system in ways cognition alone often can't.
8. Take small steps
Another lesson from acceptance and commitment therapy is to focus less on eliminating anxiety and more on continuing to live meaningfully alongside it.
When you feel overwhelmed, ask yourself:
"What's one small action I can take that reflects who I want to be right now?"
That might mean:
— Answering one email
— Taking a short walk
— Practicing an instrument for five minutes
— Sending a thoughtful text
Anxiety can cause us to freeze in place. Small, values-based actions help restore a sense of agency and remind us that anxiety does not have to dictate our behavior.
9. Try this easy mindfulness exercise
Anxiety tends to pull the mind into prediction and rehearsal, convincing us we must solve tomorrow's problems right now.
Mindfulness can help interrupt the cycle of anxious thinking by bringing attention back to the present moment rather than the feared future.
One simple mindfulness exercise is:
— Notice five things you can see
— Four things you can feel
— Three things you can hear
— Two things you can smell
— One thing you can taste
The goal isn't to get rid of anxiety, but to reconnect with the immediate environment so the nervous system can step out of threat mode.
10. Focus on the present
An often-cited - though likely unverifiable — quote attributed to Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu says:
"If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present."
This concept resonates with what psychologists understand about anxiety: the mind's tendency to become trapped in regretful pasts and anticipated threats in the future.
Many therapeutic approaches, including mindfulness-based therapies, aim to strengthen the ability to return attention to the present moment — not because the future doesn't matter, but because the nervous system functions best when it isn't constantly bracing for what hasn't yet happened or might yet occur.
Anxiety is part of being human, and in many situations reflects a nervous system trying — sometimes overzealously — to protect us. The goal isn't to eliminate anxiety entirely, but to develop a different relationship to it: one grounded in awareness, self-compassion, flexibility and a connection to life even when discomfort is present. Often, the most important shift comes not from making anxiety go away, but from moving toward the people, values and experiences that matter most to creating a meaningful life.
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Joshua Coleman, PhD, is a clinical psychologist in the Bay Area and senior fellow with the Council on Contemporary Families. His newest book is "Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict." Buy it in hardcover at a 60% discount! by clicking here or order in KINDLE edition at a 22% discount by clicking here. Sales help fund JWR.)
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