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• The Washington Post warned that the U.S. government is headed for a shutdown October 1st due to Republicans forcing a reckoning on spending. The national debt is piling up at a dizzying speed. First Aaron Rodgers, then the Navy F-35, in one week we lost two hundred million dollars worth of Jets.
• ABC News released a nationwide survey of likely voters Sunday which stunned the Washington D.C. Establishment, revealing that Donald Trump is leading President Biden by ten points. Joe now wants his impeachment investigation to speed up. He feels some indictments might help him in the polls.
• Senator Robert Menendez was indicted on bribery charges Thursday after federal investigators found five hundred grand and three gold bars inside his suits in his closet at home. They always make one slip. The gold bars were a nice touch, Bob, but the mistake you made was not going through Hunter.
• Homeland Security's Alejandro Mayorkas visited the Mexican border Saturday. We've got the world's biggest traffic jam in Eagle Pass, Texas. Thousands of people who are fleeing socialism in Venezuela are colliding head-on into tens of thousands of people who are fleeing socialism in America.
• Bobby Kennedy was stalked by an armed man posing as a security guard, prompting his request for Secret service protection. In addition, L.A. police are investigating the heist of a massive two million dollar statue of Buddha. They fear this might have been a dry run for a future Chris Christie kidnapping.
• Senator Fetterman presided over the Senate in shorts and a hoodie thanks to relaxed dress codes to accommodate him. The cerebral-infarction he suffered makes it difficult for him to dress up. First Fetterman then McConnell, and now Lauren Boebert is the third D.C. lawmaker who recently had a stroke.
• Justice Brett Kavanaugh's confirmation hearing opposition witness Christine Blasey Ford, who said he sexually assaulted her at a college party in the 1980s, announced she's writing a memoir. There's more to reveal. Christine Blasey Ford just remembered that Russell Brand was at the party, too.
• Dr. Ben Carson addressed a Christian group in D.C. and listed seven ways communism is winning in America. As a Baby Boomer who lived through the Cold War that imprisoned millions behind the Berlin Wall, I can assure young people one thing about communism. It's the diet plan that really works.
• The New York Post reported the state of New Jersey held a huge celebration last week to honor Bruce Springsteen on his seventy-fourth birthday. He's a great performer. Bruce commemorated the birthday party by releasing his new song Born to Run to the Bathroom and Pee at Three in the Morning.
• The Pentagon was unable for twenty-eight hours to locate an eighty-million-dollar Stealth fighter on auto-pilot after the pilot bailed out. The Stealth paint kept it invisible until it crashed, then it was eighty million dollars down the toilet. Now taxpayers know how it feels to be the owner of New York Jets.
• The DOJ followed President Biden's suggestion and is now investigating Elon Musk's overseas business. He has a Tesla factory in China and Ukraine uses his Space X satellite. If found guilty of crooked dealings involving Ukraine and China, Elon could get four-to-eight years in the White House.
• President Biden addressed the UN General Assembly Tuesday and beat the drum for additional military aid to Ukraine. Biden also decried the so-called climate crisis. Americans had no reason to be embarrassed by Joe Biden's performance, many leaders deliver their UN speeches in broken English.
• GOP U.S. Rep. Lauren Boebert was caught on videotape manually pleasuring her date in a Denver theater. Her date was Aspen bar owner Quinn Gallagher. Coincidentally, the last time there was this big a mess to clean up in that theater was when Gallagher smashed a watermelon all over the crowd.
• The Washington Post reports that Democrats are as concerned they can't stop Biden from being nominated as Republicans are about not being able to stop Trump. If Trump wins, I am leaving the country, if Biden wins I am leaving the country, if Bobby Kennedy wins, I am staying put to eat popcorn.
• The FDA approved two new vaccines for the latest variant and the CDC is ringing the alarm bell for you to get vaccinated again. By and large, we Baby Boomers are laughing off the threat of the new variants. We've learned that people who drank Boone's Farm as teenagers are immune to any virus.
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