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• St. Louis Cardinals star Albert Pujols hit his 700th homer at Dodger Stadium. The country saluted Albert for joining Hank Aaron, Babe Ruth and Barry Bonds in baseball's exclusive 700 club. The next day President Biden called Reverend Pat Robertson and congratulated him on his new member.
• President Biden last week startled the government scientist community by telling CBS' 60 Minutes the pandemic is over, triggering a prompt rebuttal from CDC Director Rochelle Walensky. I would just like to say one thing about Corona Virus. This is the longest something made in China has EVER lasted.
• Martha's Vineyard residents drew charges of hypocrisy by getting the U.S. military to ship off fifty migrants only one day after they arrived on Martha's Vineyard, and how the Border States would love such fast service. President Biden just had one question about the entire controversy. Who is Martha??
• The House January 6th Committee investigating the January 6th Capitol riot resumes hearings on Wednesday six weeks before midterms. It's the longest-ever drum solo. The difference between a cow and the riot at the U.S. Capitol on January 6th, 2021 is, you can only milk a cow two or three times a day.
• Jewish World Review marked the holiday of Rosh Hashana this week with New Year's greetings to all. Many of my Jewish friends here in West Hollywood express a longing to return to their Jewish homeland. Luckily it doesn't take them forty years to walk across Doheny Drive to re-enter Beverly Hills.
• California lawmakers broke new and creepy ground in soil management when they passed a bill signed by Governor Newsom. The law allows for human remains to be ground up and sifted and used for compost. This law passed with the full support of environmentalists and the Los Angeles Mafia.
• Johnny Carson's ex-staff invited me to a party in Malibu to mark the 60th anniversary of Johnny becoming host of the Tonight Show in October 1962. It was in the middle of the Cuban Missile Crisis. Luckily for world peace we had a U.S. president who was greatly aided by Marilyn Monroe's wise counsel.
• Martha's Vineyard residents drew heat for getting rid of the immigrants flown in from Florida in only one day. My generation has a long memory of Martha's Vineyard, and thus we had a quick frame of reference for the expulsion. The migrants were off that island faster than a Kennedy off his secretary.
• Nancy Pelosi made a surprise appearance at a Global Fund Rock Music Festival in New York on Saturday to talk climate change. The music audience booed her from the moment she came onstage until she finished talking. Apparently, the only eighty-two-year-old the crowd wants to see was Madonna.
• Vladimir Putin had over seven hundred anti-war protestors in Moscow arrested by Russian police Friday as government war critics continued dying mysteriously. A high-ranking Moscow official who criticized Putin died in an office building staircase fall. He was probably trying to get to an open window.
• President Biden spoke at a Teacher's Union Conference and met with some teachers privately afterwards. It appears the meeting was successful. Any private conference with a teacher's union member that doesn't end in gender reassignment surgery has to be considered a roaring success.
• The James Bond movie producers hosted a press conference in London and promised fans a more woke-sensitive 007 in the next movie they've just started shooting. In the 26 Bond movies since 1962, Bond has killed 356 bad guys and had sex with 72 women. Some guns take longer to re-load than others.
• The New York Post reports thousands of Russians fleeing in their cars from military call-up have been turned back at the borders of Finland and Latvia and Estonia and Lithuania and refused entry. I can't believe it. This is the first time in history that Europe has been invaded by peace-seeking Russians.
• Wall Street investors took another beating Monday as the Dow Jones Average tumbled below the thirty thousand mark and fell into Bear Market territory. Even worse, the U.S. government could shut down on Friday if Congress can't agree on a budget. The U.S. is this close to asking Ukraine for money.
• JP Morgan bank's CEO infuriated Democrats in Congress last week by insisting that the U.S. must return to full domestic oil production to halt inflation and lower energy costs. That's woke heresy. Domestic oil is the new Ivermectin, in that it'd resolve the crisis the government needs us to go through.
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