Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Hunter Biden was reportedly pressed by the stripper he impregnated in Little Rock five years ago to increase his child support payments Thursday. Comedians have got to love this guy. Hunter Biden has a wife, one ex-wife, two dogs and a son and he won't reveal which one of these he met at the shelter.

• The White House blasted Red State governors Thursday for busing illegal aliens to New York and Chicago. Sending the busload of aliens to Martha's Vineyard Tuesday was hilarious. Reacting quickly to the crisis this week, Kamala Harris flew to Buffalo to check out the situation at the border for herself.

• Florida Governor Ron DeSantis was ripped as a racist Thursday after he sent a bus full of illegals to the wealthy Democratic enclave of Martha's Vineyard. They were astounded when they got off the bus and saw the neighborhood. These new arrivals now form the island's Strategic Landscaper Reserve.

• The London Daily Mail reported Thursday that Vladimir Putin was the target of an assassination attempt while his limousine was driving through Moscow. Reports say there was a loud bang near the front left wheel but Putin's limo sped away. This feud between LIV and the PGA Tour is getting serious.

• Vladimir Putin reportedly faced unprecedented public protests over the war in Ukraine with Russia forces in retreat. He's now confronted by criticism in his cabinet and legislature. In a gesture of solemn respect for these protestors Putin ordered all suicide leaps to be lowered to halfway down the skyscrapers.

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• The White House issued a proclamation Wednesday announcing the first day of Hispanic Heritage Month. The proclamation read that the American identity is a fabric of diverse traditions. Hispanic Heritage Month lasts from September 15th-October 15th so they can cross the border into another month.

• NBC News says Attorney General Merrick Garland faces a tough call on whether to indict Donald Trump, no matter how determined the A.G. is to nail Trump. Yesterday the FBI raided me on Malibu Beach for spreading election disinformation. I was carrying a My Pillow and drinking an Orange Crush.

• James Taylor sang I've Seen Fire and I've Seen Rain at a White House lawn party Tuesday that celebrated Biden signing the Inflation Reduction Act. It's a song about suicide, heroin addiction and mental illness. I've never laughed harder in my life at an audience swaying, smiling and clapping along.

• R. Kelly was found guilty in Chicago court of lewd conduct and child porn Wednesday after a New York judge already sentenced Kelly to thirty years in prison for engaging in child sex trafficking. In a way he is moving up in the world. Everyone used to compare R. Kelly to Prince, now it's Prince Andrew.

• Whitewater Special Prosecutor Ken Starr, who led the investigation into Bill and Hillary Clinton during much of the 1990s, passed away Monday at the age of seventy-six, from what the hospital described as complications. It was not that complicated. I always knew Hillary would get him in the end.

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