Dysfunction
She doesn't trust men easily. Can she find love on a dating app?
By Elahe Izadi Bloomberg
Published August 24, 2026
Contact The Editor
Articles By This Author
I'm a 27-year-old woman in Washington, D.C., who has never had a boyfriend. I know I'm not alone - I have lots of female friends who are struggling to date - but they seem to feel attracted to guys quickly and develop crushes more easily, sometimes even from just seeing his Hinge or Bumble profile once.
For me, it's so hard to feel safe with a man that I've only felt attracted to when there was a solid foundation of friendship first, so I already knew that he was kind and trustworthy. That has felt incompatible with dating apps where you go in pretty much blind. Every time I met someone from Hinge, it felt more like going on job interviews than dates.
I'm moving to New York City soon and am trying to be optimistic about entering a larger dating pool, but I would welcome any advice about how to push through my initial aversions about dating strangers so that I can give myself a real chance to reach attraction with someone new.
— Nervous Future New Yorker
Nervous Future New Yorker: It can be rough out there, and it's easy to come to conclusions about yourself when dating feels difficult. Can you let some of that go? Start by accepting that you're not the kind of person who catches feelings from a Bumble profile, which for some feel more like a product page than a stand-in for a full-fledged human being. Or that you simply just prefer to be friends first with a guy. There's nothing wrong with that, or with you.
A lot fewer people than you think find partners online (only 20 percent of coupled adults under 30 actually, according to a recent Pew survey). So delete the apps if you want.
Now, it sounds like you want to stretch yourself in a new city and date new guys. But how? Whether meeting them online or in the wild, this is brave. Lean into your courage but lessen the pressure.
Try asking yourself what you want to learn by dating - whether that's more about yourself, when you feel most at ease, the kinds of guys out there or what it's like to be a little more open to whatever magic could arise. I'm not suggesting using others as vehicles for self-actualization, or not seeking a relationship, but there's so much to discover when you focus less on a specific outcome and more on a process.
Don't make dating a quest to find your first boyfriend, or an investigation into whether a guy is a liar, or a referendum on your picker. Make it a little more, dare I say, fun.
Suggest activities or outings you'd want to do anyway. Dating can be a great way to discover a new city alongside a potentially interesting person. And a shared activity can be a better way to get to know someone than sitting across a table lobbing questions back and forth like a two-way job interview. You're allowed to go slow. Sometimes sparks take time. After a first date, just ask, am I curious enough about this guy or myself with him to go on a second date? Keep it low stakes.
Attraction is so individual. If you generally don't experience romantic chemistry with a guy unless there's actual substance, embrace that. Spend your time doing things that reflect those values, and for the sake of building a whole life in a new city, not just to find a partner. As you connect with new people generally, you'll stretch similar muscles anyway, and it helps mitigate disappointment. Joining a running club only to meet your future boyfriend means you'll be discouraged if you find it's mostly single women. Instead, join because you're seeking genuine connections, and you want to run. Then you'll meet cool new people - and who knows who and what could come from that! - and you'll get to run, which apparently some people regard as a positive.
I don't know if there's also some personal history to unpack. I do know that opening up requires vulnerability. Dating can be scary (still use your head and spidey senses, and everyone should tell a friend their first-date location). So can navigating long-term love, in its own way. Letting your guard down isn't a one-time event. As you see yourself take healthy risks and come out okay, you'll cultivate trust in yourself as your guide.
And it's from that place of security that you could open up to someone new.
(COMMENT, BELOW)
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.