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• Chicago is hosting the Democratic Convention all week where delegates are enjoying a rollicking time partying at Rush Street and Division Street bars. Last Saturday night here at the Comedy Store the legendary Chicago comedian Tom Dreesen told me that he was homesick for Chicago. So I shot him.
• Democratic Party delegates poured into Chicago and the convention began at the United Center Monday. Opening night was carefully staged. The convention officially began down the street when the party's VP candidate Tim Walz and his wife officiated at the ceremonial lighting of the police station.
• Bill Clinton will address the Democratic Convention tonight and show this crowd what it's like to see a real star. He's a Southern white Democrat who believed in private property, free markets, and free speech, not to mention free love. It's no accident they asked Bill Clinton to speak on Hump Day.
• President Biden delivered a speech to the Democratic Convention Monday where he explained his decision to exit from the 2024 presidential race. Before the convention, the Democrats put up a giant wall surrounding the arena. It wasn't to keep people out, it was to keep Joe from wandering off.
• President Biden was patronizingly cheered by Democrats Monday for what the media called his swan song speech. Well, swans have wings strong enough to break a man's arm. But as we know, a man can fill the swan up with buckshot, steal its eggs and burn its nest, so they generally don't start anything.
• James Taylor was scheduled to sing the dreary You've Got a Friend at the Convention Monday just before Joe Biden was to speak. But the night ran long and they switched Taylor to sing after Joe's speech, luckily for Joe. James Taylor gets a ton of work singing that song at open casket funerals.
• Hillary Clinton spoke to the convention Monday night and ripped Trump for being convicted in court. Trump said Sunday when president he chose not to prosecute Hillary for destroying evidence. Hey, if we start requiring law-abiding candidates, we'll never attract our best people to government work.
• Chicago's United Center is hosting the thousands of Democratic delegates and convention ticket buyers this week. Right across from the convention is the five-star high-rise Trump Hotel. I stayed there one night last summer and I can tell you the towels are so thick you can barely close your suitcase.
• Democratic Convention stars are preaching party unity onstage and brother, that's acting. Joe hates Nancy, Barack hates Kamala, Kamala hates Barack and Hillary hates everybody. Bill Clinton walks through the green room behind a mine sweeper to make sure he gets through unexploded.
• Kamala's Secret Service agents cleared out a 7-Eleven of customers so she and her hubby could come in and buy a bag of Doritos. They cleared a restaurant and replaced them with friends to pose staged questions. It's prompted party leaders to ask each other if it's too late to change candidates again.
• Donald Trump spoke in Pennsylvania Monday and ripped Kamala Harris's economic policies as harmful to U.S. industry, and Trump added he wants products to read Made in the USA. Last year I bought a flat screen TV and on the back of the TV it says Built-In Antenna. I have no idea where that is.
• The New York Times and Washington Post ripped Kamala for her plan to institute a price-fixing plan for corporations. They warned that Soviet-style price controls end in disaster, but the Democrats just keep drifting left. In the next James Bond movie, the villain will be a guy who is still using plastic straws.
• The New York Times said Kamala's price controls could take Americans back to the ‘70s. Do you mean the decade when I was in my 20s, the decade of disco, gold chains, bell bottoms, casual sex, cocaine, free speech when I had no idea I was an alcoholic? Slap me with a price control Kamala and send me home!
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