Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• The Wall Street Journal quoted sports team evaluator Sportico Tuesday which assessed the Dallas Cowboys the world's most valuable sports franchise at $10 billion. The team charges extra for fan agony. When I die, I want the Dallas Cowboys as my pallbearers so they can let me down one more time.

• Kamala Harris's campaign told Fox News Tuesday she won't push Medicare for All and instead push private care and Obama care. It's an issue. One of our Comedy Store servers is 24 and she told me has only 2 more years on her mother's health care plan, and after that she's got to get a new mother.

• Donald Trump and Elon Musk enjoyed a two-hour chat on X Tuesday and discussed just about everything except their six marriages. Marriage is not a natural state for lone-wolf prima donnas in business, politics or stand-up comedy. It's a fact that Hitler killed himself after 20 minutes of marriage.

• Kamala required photo ID to attend her Arizona rally after she'd previously called voter ID laws racist. The issue swings both ways. There's an emergency bill in Sacramento that'd force California voters to show proof they are not private property owners before they will be allowed to vote in November.

• Kamala Harris's competence came under question Tuesday when critics charged that Tim Walz wasn't fully vetted about his past. I say the media should get off Tim Walz's back for getting arrested in 1995 for driving drunk at 96 mph on a back road in Nebraska. No great story ever started with a salad.

• Secret Service agents broke into a beauty salon in Boston to use the bathroom while Kamala was speaking next door in a theater. They were likely foraging for back-up styling combs. The agents are trained to shoot anyone who tries to take a photo of Kamala onstage if she's having a bad hair day.

• Iran is reported expected to attack Israel any day, setting off a Middle East war as Ukraine began firing U.S. missiles into Russia. Both Trump and Kamala backers are threatening to riot if they lose. Last night I finally turned off the news and watched a documentary about serial killers in order to relax.

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