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May 17th, 2024

Insight

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Argus Hamilton

By Argus Hamilton

Published August 7, 2023

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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Donald Trump flew from his golf club in New Jersey to Washington Thursday to plead innocent to the latest round of charges brought against him by against in federal court. His legal jeopardy is clear. If Donald Trump is convicted on all counts he could get four-to-eight years as Governor of Illinois.

Kamala Harris declared economic victory Friday but then added most people are a four hundred dollar expense away from bankruptcy. It's why the nation gets nervous whenever Biden goes cycling on vacation. That twenty-nine dollar helmet is the only thing between the American people and Kamala.

NBC News aired video of President Biden racing around Delaware on his bicycle well ahead of his Secret Service detail while on vacation Wednesday, but Joe was careful to wear his protective helmet. Millions of 2024 voters have just one question. What is the helmet even protecting at this point?

Barack Obama told President Biden at their lunch Thursday that Donald Trump was going to be a formidable challenge to Democrats in 2024. Later that day, Biden put in an urgent call to the leader of Australia. To get enough jurors for all the court cases against Trump, we'll have to import kangaroos.

Donald Trump stood before a federal magistrate in New York Thursday and pleaded not guilty to all four charges relating to his reaction refuting the posted results of the 2020 election. Apparently it's now a federal crime to say out loud in public that you've been cheated. It left Hillary Clinton speechless.

ABC News deceptively edited Trump's speech on January 6th urging protestors to demonstrate peacefully and patriotically to make it look like he was inciting a riot. It could have been worse. ABC is owned by Disney which has plenty of voice-over actors available to dub Trump's speech into German.

Barack Obama dropped by Joe Biden's beach house for lunch Thursday and said he'll do all he can on the campaign trail and in media to re-elect Joe in 2024. The president couldn't contain his glee. After the lunch Biden ran out to the beach and told Jill he was just endorsed by Denzel Washington.

President Biden hailed good economic news Friday as proof that Bidenomics is working. Biden promised even more action when six hundred billion dollars of his Infrastructure Bill money kicks in. Politicians are people who, when they see the light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy more tunnel.

Hunter Biden's partner Devon Archer's transcribed revelations were released on Thursday, confirming Joe Biden met in person at a dinner with Hunter and his overseas business investors in 2015. Democrats called his affidavit Russian disinformation. That was in honor of Throwback Thursday.

Donald Trump ripped the urban squalor he saw in Washington, D.C., Thursday and he mentioned it in post-arraignment remarks, noting that Mexico just warned its citizens that D.C. is too dangerous to visit due to drug gang violence. That's what we always say about them. We are now Mexico's Mexicans.

The FBI reports a spike in L.A. home burglaries is leaving suburban residents reluctant to leave their homes for fear of being ransacked. One summer in college, I sold home security alarms door-to-door, and I became very good at it. If no one was home, I'd just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.

The White House was presented with demands from the Oakland NAACP to do something and clamp down on the nationwide violence epidemic. The FBI just announced a crackdown on capital crimes. Next week the Justice Department plans to indict Donald Trump for the murder of Elvis Presley.

Donald Trump was arraigned in Washington Thursday on charges of doubting the 2020 election results. MSNBC pundits called it the biggest threat to our democracy since 9-11, Watergate and the Civil War. Pearl Harbor and O.J. were added when the mail-in threats to our democracy were counted.

Donald Trump's judge on his January 6th case is a female Obama-appointed judge who used to work in Hunter Biden's law firm. I guess Hillary was unavailable. If he's jailed for contempt they have Jeffrey Epstein's prison guards on speed dial so he maybe should stop wearing those long neckties.

President Biden risks impeachment inquiry after Hunter's business partners refuted Joe's claim he knew nothing of Hunter's business deals. Joe just can't win. For 50 years, everyone in D.C. has said Joe Biden doesn't know anything and when he finally says he didn't know anything nobody believes him.

Hunter Biden's partner Devon Archer gave a transcribed interview to a House Republican and Democrat about Hunter, Joe and foreign business deals. The Democrat reported that Archer said that Joe only discussed the weather with Hunter's clients. They all raved about how Hunter can make it rain.

The White House refused comment Wednesday on e-mails which showed that the administration pressured Facebook to squelch any FB posts that doubted the Covid vaccine's safety and effectiveness. People in L.A. are still taking precautions. Just today I saw a guy vaccinate himself behind the bus station.

Just Stop Oil protestors delayed traffic in Europe by super-gluing themselves to freeways and airport runways Friday. The public is furious at them. Police in England asked a man who witnessed five men attacking a climate protestor why he didn't help, and the man said he thought five was enough.

The Denver Post reported a new church in Denver has opened called the International Church of Cannabis where the congregation smokes marijuana in their worship ritual. The congregation's favorite hymn is Amazing Grass. Toward the end of each service holy communion is served by Taco Bell.

HBO's Bill Maher criticized big cities that are overwhelming local services by taking in so many illegal immigrants under their titles of being a Sanctuary City. The illegals are reportedly drug dealing, carjacking, robbing and hooking on street corners. The good news is, they've yet to break any local laws.

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