Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• The Discovery Channel debuted its annual Shark Week Sunday with 30 brand new underwater documentaries and features. One attention-grabbing video shows a school of sharks devouring bales of cocaine on the bottom of the Caribbean. The footage is from Disney’s new movie called Finding Kilo.

• Caitlyn Clark told reporters at the WNBA All-Star Game that she wants the media to focus on basketball. She didn’t want to talk about the nightly beatings she gets on the court. If a civil rights group existed to represent the WNBA’s battered women, Caitlyn Clark would be billed as Rodney Queen.

• LeBron James waited until the World Cup to announce his new team. L.A. fans never took him to heart because, I don’t want to say LeBron James has no charisma, but his preferred pronouns are Ho/Hum. Lebron signed with the 76ers, which, by the time he’s finished playing, will also be his age.

• President Trump halted the bombing of Iran’s military installations Monday to give peace talks one more chance before a U.S. invasion is ordered. The president said he’s optimistic. Nowadays, an optimist is anybody who eats a Taylor Farm Garden Salad at midnight and then takes a sleeping pill.

• President Trump cited the boom in U.S. auto production to a cheering crowd of autoworkers in Detroit on Monday. Outside of the South, Michigan is probably the president’s biggest fan base. President Trump has been shot at and missed so many times, Detroiters consider him one of their won.

• President Trump was met in Michigan Monday by a few college age peace protestors. We Baby Boomers can advise them on etiquette. If you flash the peace symbol with one hand, it means end the war, but if you raise both arms and give the peace sign with both hands, it means Nixon’s the One.

• President Trump slapped tariffs on any country’s product that is made with slave labor, which could affect iPhones made in China. It’ll make scams more expensive to pull in California. West Hollywood, where I live, is the only city where people use $1,500 phones to check their EBT card balance.

• American Heritage ripped the Democratic Socialists of America for exploiting Muslim arrivals in the U.S. to help the DSA’s goal of wiping out the West’s culture, tradition, history and value. Well, two can play that game. Yesterday Prince Andrew converted to Islam and all charges were dropped.

• The DSA chief told Fox News Sunday they stand for abolishing prisons, ICE, the presidency, the Senate, and the Supreme Court, and they support open borders and government ownership of companies. It’s unfair to categorize it as a return to prehistoric times. Even Fred Flintstone worked for a private mining company.

• CNN published its first poll in New Hampshire to determine the early Democratic favorites in the state’s presidential primary in 2028. Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez leads the poll at 23% support, followed by Pete Buttigieg at 22%. Kamala Harris is in last place in the poll at 6%, tied with Heineken.

• Senator Rand Paul released the diary that Dr. Fauci kept during the Covid pandemic, showing he was obsessed with celebrity. He writes of how he enjoyed explaining Alexa to Barbra Streisand on the phone. I once asked Siri why the ladies I date don’t trust me and she shouted back, this is Alexa!

• The House of Representatives passed a resolution calling for the end of the war and another bill to ban Members from stock trading, as well as a Voter ID act, none of which will make it through the Senate. They’re useless. Yesterday a startled epidemiologist saw a public survey and noted that Congress is about as popular as Ebola. This prompted Ebola to demand a recount.

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