Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• The Hollywood Reporter noted that The Odyssey starring Matt Damon had a strong weekend at the box office worldwide. The casting seems a little weird for a movie about Homer's classic ancient Greek story. Odysseus speaks with a Boston accent, even though he's from Ithaca, which is in New York.

• Indiana Fever star Sophie Cunningham's Adidas shoe sold out in one day Saturday, on top of news that Caitlyn Clark passed LeBron James in jersey sales. It shows how the public values diversity. White chicks in the WNBA are 20% Irish, 30% Scottish, 10% German 40% English and 2% Whole Milk.

• The World Cup final last week had a record 62 million American TV viewers for the Argentina versus Spain match. And now like clockwork the sports season turns to the NFL. Just days after the World Cup ended, Tony Romo was arrested for DUI and tried to escape, but he was quickly intercepted.

• Taylor Farms reportedly asked the White House to delay recall of their lettuce that's been said to be linked to a parasite that caused chronic explosive diarrhea. The free market reacted quickly to the outbreak. Plastic packages of Taylor Farms Garden Salad are now being sold on eBay as Black Market Ozempic.

• The Bing Crosby Stakes was run at the Del Mar racetrack north of La Jolla Saturday, offering a purse of $400,000 and advance on to the Breeders Cup. I had an idiot friend who once decided to try his hand at training racehorses but was quickly fired. They aren't meant to respond to Sit and Fetch.

• President Trump did not experience his finest hour at the White House Correspondents Dinner on Friday night. If I may offer Trump some professional advice, I urge him to fire his joke writers. His monologue at the Correspondents Dinner bombed so completely Iran came out with their hands up.

• Senate Republicans fought desperately to keep control of the Upper Chamber last week as their majority dwindles this week. Last night, three men were seen leaving Senator Mitch McConnell's' hospital suite. First a doctor left his room, then later a priest came out, finally followed by a taxidermist.

• Fox News Sunday interviewed leaders of the Democratic Socialist Party of America. They vow to take over the Democratic Party, win elections, and install socialism in the U.S. Last night, AOC, Bernie Sanders and Mayor Mamdani walked into a bar and said to the bartender, the drinks are on you.

• King Charles handed the Seals of Office to Labor Party leader Andy Burnham in Buckingham Palace last Thursday, officially making him the Prime Minister. Our Mother Country is getting a little kinky. In Great Britain it's now illegal to view bondage porn, and if you're caught, you are led away in handcuffs.

• The American Society of Civil Engineers reports that the U.S. faces a severe funding shortfall for the nation's wastewater systems. On Sunday just 10 days after the West Hollywood rupture, yet another water main broke in Los Angeles. So typical of Hollywood, cashing in on another disaster sequel.

• The Sunset Boulevard sinkhole was finally repaired Saturday, ending 10 days of traffic hell on LA's signature street. It was caused when a major water pipe burst. It took 10 days of hard work but city workers finally finished filling the sinkhole with hundreds of thousands of unproduced screenplays.

• President Trump overturned a suspension of ICE traffic stops searching for criminal illegals. It resulted from an ICE shooting of an illegal alien Mexican driver who attempted to run over an ICE agent and was shot trying to escape and flee. I say any Mexican who can escape fleas is beyond catching.

• The World Health Organization reports a new outbreak of Ebola virus in the eastern area of Congo in Africa. Symptoms include high fever, vomiting and chronic diarrhea that's often terminal. Congo is the only nation where at sporting events you're asked to remain seated for the national anthem.

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