Contact The Editor
Articles By This Author
• Fox News reported the sickness caused by eating parasite-infected produce can cause explosive diarrhea for months. So I'm not surprised that produce is flying off the grocery store shelves across the U.S. Everyone's quickly figured out that contaminated lettuce is a hell of a lot cheaper than Ozempic.
• The Senior Citizens Freedom to Work Act now in Congress eliminates any reduction of Social Security benefits of working seniors. It keeps you active. After the epidemic of explosive diarrhea swept America last week I suspect Dr Fauci is now supplementing his pension by managing a Taco Bell.
• Netflix inserted a warning on Gone with the Wind advising you to consult Black Lives Matter for a better picture of black life in America. Netflix warns you that Some Like It Hot mischaracterizes trans-genderism. For a more positive portrayal of a man becoming a woman, watch Jimmy Kimmel Live.
• Joe Biden posted a video reporting he's written a memoir about his time in the Oval Office titled Promise Me, America. I was included in a publisher's survey asking for an appropriate, catchy book title that would help sell Joe Biden's book but they rejected my suggestion, They Tell Me I Was President.
• The Chocolate Journalist site reports that bad weather in West Africa has decimated the coca crops, resulting in much higher wholesale prices for chocolate. They said high chocolate prices are resulting in smaller candy bars. I noticed it at the grocery counter when I bought a Two Musketeers Bar.
• The World Cup Final was held in New York after weeks of international soccer competition in the United States, Toronto and Mexico. The final teams exemplify the benefits of immigration. They are Spain and Argentina, although if you look at their rosters it looks more like Morocco and Germany.
• England's World Cup soccer fans are furious at the referees after England's 2-1 loss Wednesday, blaming what they called biased officiating for their defeat. They led the match but late goals resulted in a painful loss for our Mother Country. England hasn't blown a lead this badly on U.S. soil since 1781.
• California Governor Gavin Newsom said capitalism needed fixing Thursday while his own state faces upcoming wildfire threats, flash flooding in the Sierras, and water pipes bursting in L.A. In the latest California disaster, on Thursday West Hollywood's water broke. So maybe it's not so gay after all.
• Los Angeles drivers endured massive traffic and hours-long delays on Thursday when another infrastructure disaster ruined the day for commuters. You would have to see it to believe it. A water main broke in West Hollywood leaving a sinkhole on Sunset Boulevard the size of the Warner Bros. debt load.
• President Trump requested network TV airtime for a nationwide speech Thursday but he was denied by NBC and ABC. He accused the Chinese of interfering with U.S. elections and throwing them one way or another to their own benefit. Ahh, the Chinese, ruining the curve since Algebra One.
• Richard Pryor's widow Jennifer Pryor told Howie Mandel on his podcast that back in the late 70s Richard once choked her in a cocaine-fueled rage. I used to party with them at their house in those days. On Sunday afternoons, you never could tell if Richard was hung over or if he just really hated cats.
• The CDC issued new guidelines for weight loss including healthy eating, exercise and plenty of sleep to help Americans battle the obesity epidemic. It's hard to do. Brain cells die, skin cells die, but fat cells must have accepted Christ as their Lord and Savior because they seem to have eternal life.
• New York City Italians plan a huge Columbus Day parade protest in October of Mayor Mamdani's map erasure of Little Italy. Interestingly, a DNA test shows Columbus was Jewish. So his voyage wasn't looking for a westward route to India, he was just looking for a restaurant that's open on Christmas Day.
• The FBI reported increasing incidents of hostile countries engaged in GPS satellite jamming that throw off the navigation of aircraft, cars and shipping. Back when I was in high school, we didn't have GPS in our cars. We just drove around on back roads until we ended up in a horror movie.
• Paramount is battling California's attorney general to try to buy Warner Bros. that would leave Hollywood with 2 studios. It's a race for the bottom. Supergirl from Warner Bros. and Paramount's Running Man are the biggest box office flops since Disney's Snow White and the 7 Audience Members.
• The Odyssey opens starring Matt Damon as Odysseus, Anne Hathaway as Penelope and Lupita Nyongo as Helen. It's the 2nd half of Homer's poem in 1000 Before the Common Era that laid the foundation of Western Civilization. The epic poem was preceded by the Iliad and the movie is preceded by a Spider Man trailer.
• The CDC warns that a gastro-intestinal virus spread though lettuce and guacamole is sweeping the U.S. with an epidemic of explosive diarrhea. Thousands have been infected by the rapidly spreading food-borne virus. This is the first indication that Taco Bell operates a U.S.-funded lab in China.
• Maine Democrat delegates will meet to select a replacement Senate candidate for the disgraced Graham Platner. You knew he was a little too rough around the edges when a reporter told Platner that his opponent Senator Susan Collins is from Bangor. Platner replied Bangor?-I don't even know her.
• President Trump agreed to withdraw U.S. troops from Iraq. We invaded Iraq to seize non-existing WMDs and topple CIA asset Saddam, who'd invaded Kuwait in 1990 for diagonal-drilling into Iraq. The original idea by Dick Cheney was to divide Iraq into 3 different countries, Regular, Premium and Diesel.
• Argentina's World Cup team beat England and will play Spain in Sunday's World Cup Final in New York. So it'll be Spain and its political heritage vs. Argentina and its political heritage. If New York's socialists are serious about fighting fascism they can start by overthrowing the World Cup Final.
• The Democratic Socialists of America released its platform Tuesday that calls for the abolition of capitalism in America. Well, the free market can be annoying. I just hate it whenever WalMart doesn't have the item I want and then I have to go home, take off my pajamas, shower and go to Target.
• Senator Chuck Schumer was speaking on TV on the Senate floor Wednesday when the audio picked up the loud sound of Schumer emitting flatulence. You might call it a one-man Senate hearing. Chuck's annual Senate salary in $193,000 if you're looking for a new way to gauge the high price of gas.
• The U.S. Treasury unveiled the new $1 gold coin with President Trump's image stamped on one side. It commemorates the nation's 250th birthday. I think it'll make for a great pregame coin flip by the referee every time Israel and Hezbollah go to war to determine who receives and who will kick off.
• A Florida write-in GOP House candidate and discharged U.S. Marine posted a campaign video saying that Trump must be killed because he's the anti-Christ. Quitting drinking was a lot easier once I became pals with the Anti-Christ. It's hard to cop a buzz when someone turns all your wine into water.
• Yellowstone Park officials say the Bison that was shown on video tossing an intruding tourist 8 feet in the air will not be euthanized. Some idiots in the Park try to get selfies taken with bears. It gives the tourist a photo of himself at one with nature and it gives the bear a nice photo of his rib dinner.
(COMMENT, BELOW)