Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• Japanese automakers report they are using Artificial Intelligence in order to speed up vehicle production and add engine innovations. Honda announced it’s offering riding lawn mowers that can reach a speed of 130 mph. They are very popular with gardeners who have just been spotted by ICE.

• The Department of Government Efficiency shut down after 18 months Monday. Today DOGE has all my information and China has all my information and Bezos has all my information and Zuckerberg has all my information. It turns out the only one who doesn’t know all my passwords is ME.

• Fox News aired Erika Kirk entering the Utah courtroom Monday to attend the murder trial of her late husband’s accused killer. Every eye was riveted on her. When they said she was Catholic, I sent a text to the Vatican urging that Pope Leo canonize Erika Kirk as the Patron Saint of Hot Widows.

• President Trump at NATO meetings Tuesday upset Israel by saying he may sell Turkey our best F-35 U.S. fighter jets. I met a really nice girl on Telegram who lives in the Middle East, and I hope we hit it off. She wasn’t impressed with my show business career, so I texted her my war plans instead.

• Bernie Sanders urged Maine’s Nazi-tatooed anti-Semitic Socialist Senate candidate Graham Platner out of the race Monday after rape allegations surfaced against him. Platner never really had any hopes of defeating the savvy Susan Collins. You could say his entire campaign was a Heil Mary.

• The Wall Street Journal reports that gold prices have risen 25% in the past year with gold now selling for $4,150 per ounce on the Chicago Mercantile Exchange, down from $5,600 an ounce in January. That may explain how President Trump made $565 million in 2025. He cashed in his toilet.

• Discovery Channel’s Shark Week begins in 2 weeks with 20 new episodes about the underwater world of these killer beasts. On Sunday, beach lifeguards and patrol helicopters spotted Great White Sharks lurking off the Long Island Hamptons. And being celebrities, everybody wants a selfie with them.

• Trump Accounts kicked in for all babies born from 2025 to 2029 which gives them $1,000 stock account allowing $5,000 annual tax-free contributions. This is great. By the year 2050, these kids will be so rich that Madison Square Garden will be a wedding chapel where they used to play basketball.

• President Trump griped that France, Italy and Germany did nothing in the war with Iran. It’s a lost opportunity. Germany might have enjoyed a war where for once they didn’t have to take on the Russians and the Anglo-Saxons at the same time. It’d be like playing a short Par-3 after 2 long Par-5’s.

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