Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• Democratic Governor Josh Shapiro said Sunday that moderates must fight for control of the party against Socialist Democrats. The governor is one of the few grown-ups not agreeing to welcome Socialists into the party. Nowadays being a Moderate Democrat is like being the least-drunk Australian.

• Maine Socialist Senate candidate Graham Platner said Monday he'll review campaign options after a former girlfriend accused him of raping her. Women need to take precautions. If your guy's got a Nazi tattoo on his chest I wouldn't wear a French perfume, it just invites unwanted invasion.

• Daily Variety reported details of the Taylor Swift's and Travis Kelce's celebrity studded wedding Friday at a Madison Square Garden ceremony. It was revealed afterwards that Taylor and Travis were married by Adam Sandler. This is like finding out the Pope was ordained by Rodney Dangerfield.

• Science Daily hailed the huge success of Ozempic for reducing America's obesity. There could be political factors at play. I notice that every time I see a woman in a TV commercial announcing that she has lost 150 pounds in the last two years, she never thanks Trump for cutting her SNAP benefits.

• Particle 6 Studio is set to release the first movie starring an AI-generated beautiful actress they named Tilly Norwood. Best of all, she expresses NO political opinions that might alienate half the movie-going public. They should title the movie: Tilly Norwood – the Actress Who Saved Hollywood.

• Mexico's World Cup team blew home-field advantage Sunday and lost to England 3-2 in Aztec Stadium. Harry Kane broke their hearts by scoring the winning goal on a penalty kick. I haven't seen this many Mexicans crying in the streets since the Virgin Mary appeared on the back of a stop sign.

• The Belgian World Cup team defeated the United States team 4-1 Monday, ending the U.S. hopes of winning the World Cup in a match played in Seattle. I blame it on the scheduler. If the match had been played in Los Angeles, by now the U.S. would have won 10-4 after the mail-in goals got counted.

• The U.S. World Cup team fielded its best players Monday due to reinstatement of U.S. star Folarin Balogun thanks to Trump's appeal of his suspension. Trump showed his versatility by successfully lobbying FIFA's president to annul Balogun's red card. See, it's not just green cards that Trump revokes.

• Caitlyn Clark broke her week-long silence Friday about being knocked onto her back under the basket by Alyssa Thomas who landed on top of Caitlyn then punched her in the throat. The referee made no call. Chick-Fil-A just honored the violent foul by creating the Chick-on-Chick Filet Sandwich.

• President Trump on Monday demanded that oil companies bring down the price of gas at the pump now that world oil prices have plummeted. It's taking forever to come down. The price of gas is so high in California that Paul Pelosi agreed this week to start remaining at the scene of the accident.

• Paul Pelosi isn't arrested after he drove his convertible into a parked Tesla in Wine Country but they say alcohol was not a factor. Of course it wasn't. I remember I once swerved suddenly into a ditch to avoid hitting a tree and it just turned out to be the air freshener hanging from the rear-view mirror.

• President Trump meets with NATO leaders in Turkey today about ending the Russia-Ukraine War. Trump called Putin Monday and he says Putin wants to end the war. Russia has lost so many soldiers by now the only reason you need NATO is if Uzbekistan marches 3,100 miles to invade Poland.

• Iran wrapped up the six days of public funeral demonstrations for the slain Ayatollah Khameini with crowds in Teheran. They were singing Death to America, Death to Israel and Death to Trump. I thought I'd had heard it before, and then I suddenly remembered it's the Columbia University fight song.

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