Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• The World Cup in the U.S. has drawn vivid reviews of American culture from our visitors from Europe. A French newspaper reviewer in Texas called Waffle House β€œan indestructible fortress of violence and syrup.” Hey, if Waffle House doesn't make this their new slogan, then capitalism has failed.

• The National Mall hosted a 40 minute-long midnight fireworks show Saturday to celebrate the nation's 250th birthday. It's awesome to think of 1776, and the great men of wisdom we had back then — Washington, Jefferson, Adams, Franklin. And today we have — oh why spoil a great celebration?

• The Transportation Department warned Saturday that the July 4th weekend usually results in a 40% increase in drunk driving accidents. It's true. On July 4th out here in California, Nancy Pelosi's husband Paul Pelosi got hammered again and he rear-ended someone. Where have I heard this before?

• The Los Angeles Philharmonic Orchestra hosted a patriotic concert in the Hollywood Bowl on Friday night. July 4th was celebrated with music, songs and fireworks that drew cheers from 18,000 residents of Hollywood who professed their love for our country. They will never work in this town again.

• President Trump spoke on July 3rd at Mt. Rushmore in South Dakota Friday after the White House suggested Trump's image be carved into the monument alongside the other four presidents. The construction project would make a great Netflix series. They'd call it Orange is the New Black Hills.

• President Trump addressed a huge July 4th show Saturday in Washington. A 250th anniversary celebration is called a semi-quincentennial. To honor the day Joe Biden gave a speech in Delaware and the auditorium was packed with comedy fans to hear Biden try to pronounce semi-quincentennial.

• Trump Accounts kicked in July 4th giving each baby born from 2025 to 2029 a $1,000 investment account. With the maximum $5,000 annual contributions the kid can be worth $300,000 by age 18. The idea is turn the next generation into Republicans before the professors can get their hands on them.

• Americans drank 565 million cases of beer over the July 4th weekend. On March 17th, we're all Irish-Americans, on Cinco de Mayo, we're all Mexican-Americans. On July 4th we're all British-Americans grateful the revolution freed us from England so that we might play a slightly larger golf ball.

• The New York Post reports a couple scaled the antenna atop the Empire State Building where the guy proposed marriage while risking a 1,500-foot fall. Three cheers for him. I hope when I die, I'm killed doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don't like her new haircut.

• Prince William was on Travis Kelce's podcast Thursday before his marriage to Taylor Swift Friday. Marriage may have been a practical decision. I never understood why people get married till the time my maid went home to Guatemala for a month and I tried to put on a fitted sheet by myself.

• British outgoing Prime Minister Keir Starmer caused eye rolls last week while addressing a Gay Pride Rally in London, saying the next James Bond should be a woman. Woke policy is ruining our culture. The next James Bond movie thriller is titled License to Kill Anybody Using an Air Conditioner.

• Taylor Swift paid to close down Manhattan streets Friday to get married at Madison Square Garden with the world media in total frenzy. I don't get it. I know it sounds catty, but this is the most publicity a 5 has received for getting married since Joe DiMaggio got hitched to Marilyn Monroe.

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