Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• New York streets will be blocked off when Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce get married this week at Madison Square Garden. It takes guts for the billionaire pop star and multi-millionaire football star to hold their ceremony in Manhattan. Mayor Mamdani will be on hand to seize the wedding gifts.

• The Department of Immigration will host a citizen swearing-in ceremony in DC on July 4th for hundreds of new Americans. The number is fluid. The Supreme Court just ruled that any baby born in a Taco Bell may claim to be a citizen of Mexico, but if it's born in the drive-thru, it's a fugitive.

• The Washington Post reports that anticipation is building in the nation's capital for Saturday's 250th Independence Day celebration. This week my news video feed is nearly all foreigners who loved being here in the United States of America. Some came here with FIFA, others leaving with ICE.

• LeBron James announced he'll no longer be playing for the L.A. Lakers under new ownership by Dodgers owner Mark Walter. He bought the Lakers from the late Jerry Buss's 3 kids for $10 billion. As a result, Iraq is now America's 2nd biggest mistake after Phil Jackson breaking up with Jeannie Buss.

• French politicians blamed America for the deadly heat wave that's swept the Continent the past two weeks due to 90% of the U.S. having air conditioning. On Tuesday France declared war on air conditioning. This historically means it should be 6 weeks before the French Army surrenders to Carrier.

• The Teddy Roosevelt Presidential Library opened in North Dakota Wednesday and uses an AI Teddy for interaction. I'd say it's the 2nd-most authentic presidential library. The Jerry Ford Library in Michigan is the most authentic, which has a trip-wire running across the front entrance.

• The Supreme Court infuriated the trans-gender community Tuesday, ruling 6-3 that states may pass laws which ban biological men from competing in women's sports. Currently, 27 states have enacted such laws. Trans-gender female athletes called the Supreme Court ruling a real kick in the balls.

• The Supreme Court ruled any child born in the U.S. is a citizen even if its parents are foreign. A dissenting opinion cited Chinese birthright citizenship motels in L.A. and the dangers they cause. If there's one thing I learned from loaning my car to my Chinese ex-girlfriend it's how to refold the airbag.

• Joe Biden gave an angry anti-Trump speech at a Maryland Democrat gala fundraising dinner Saturday. After the speech he got confused and started wandering around onstage looking for an exit. Afterward there was further confusion outside at valet parking when Joe got into the wrong hearse.

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