Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• Hulk Hogan was laid to rest in a gravesite ceremony Saturday in Clearwater, Florida. His death drew a beautiful eulogy from President Trump. He rose to the top of his profession by slamming down his opponents, showboating, trash-talking and waving the American flag, and so did Hulk Hogan.

• Sydney Sweeney stars in a new TV ad campaign for American Eagle Jeans that showcases the beautiful blue-eyed blonde and proclaims that Sydney Sweeney Has Great Jeans. Progressives accuse the commercials of being Nazi propaganda. When did Elon Musk get into the clothing business?

• Elon Musk opened the Tesla Diner drive-in in Hollywood Monday that featured 80 charging stations, outdoor movies on the roof, and a humanoid robot serves you from behind the counter. The first day they had a $500 robbery. Someone made off with a burger and a Mexican Coke without paying.

• CBS headquarters in Manhattan was targeted by a We're with Colbert rally Monday that drew only 20 people to the protest. It's no wonder his show was losing CBS $40 million a year. Colbert is just lucky that CBS shareholders aren't taking him out into the Nevada desert and leaving him in a hole.

• President Trump and the EU Commissioner reached a US-EU trade deal in Scotland Sunday which Trump called the biggest deal ever made. Trump also got in a round of golf. He was shown on TV sinking a long downhill putt that breaks to the right which Trump called the biggest putt ever made.

• President Trump met with Prime Minister Keir Starmer in Scotland Monday and they finalized plans for Trump's state visit to England in September. For Trump this visit to the UK was a religious experience. Trump was shocked to be in a country that went from praying on Sundays to five times a day.

• President Trump warned Europe Monday that illegal immigration in Europe is threatening to destroy Europe. They arrive from North Africa to Italy and France and fan out. The last 1,000 years prove that invading England is one of the hardest military challenges on earth, unless you have a dinghy.

• The US-EU deal places no U.S. tariffs on airplane parts German companies make for Boeing. These parts include faulty sensor readings that cause 737s to nose dive, doors that blow off and tires that explode. Whenever I fly to Vegas I have to be braver than my father was in a B-29 over Dusseldorf.

• Car and Driver reported that Google's self-driving car the Waymo is fully operational in ride-sharing services in Phoenix and San Francisco. These cars are now fully electric after Waymo scrapped the hybrid gas-electric model. They would only switch from gas to electric after they crashed into a light pole.

• The Sacramento Bee cited a UCLA study saying California's economy is contracting and it's mired in the doldrums. Not everyone is struggling. Compared to others I must be doing pretty well, because from my house I can see the mountains the desert or the ocean, it all depends on where I park it. The Hill reports the vote by Congresswoman AOC to break with the Progressives and vote to fund Israel's iron Dome defense shield indicated she plans to run for president. She was a bartender in the Bronx after college. Even then she was the only bartender who got furious when you called for ice.

• The San Francisco Chronicle called on L.A. officials to cancel the L.A. Olympics in 2028 rather than deal with Trump's ICE-centered security force in L.A. What about the athletes? Ever since the Trump border wall was completed, Mexico is the odds-on favorite to take home the gold in pole vaulting.

• The CDC reported that the U.S. birth rate is so low it's reached the civilization suicide level. We won't go down without a fight. If I know Anglo-Saxons, we'll take a cue from the Alamo and make our last stand at the entrance of gated communities centered around a golf course, clubhouse and a pickle ball court.

• President Trump flew to Scotland Friday to play golf and meet with UK's Prime Minister and make an EU trade deal. Before leaving the U.S., Trump posted a moving eulogy to pro wrestler Hulk Hogan who died Thursday at 71. In Hulk's honor, Trump ordered all flags to be lowered to half-Nelson.

• Ozzy Osbourne fans began circulating petitions calling for Birmingham Airport in England to be named after Ozzy Osbourne. Back in late 1970s, crowds went wild when Ozzy started off his Black Sabbath rock concerts by biting off the head of a live bat. No one did more to try to nip Covid in the bud.

• The Detroit News reports that a WalMart was terrorized in Traverse City, Michigan, Saturday by a crazed man who stabbed 11 customers, none thankfully with life threatening wounds. My one request is that if I'm ever killed in a WalMart, please drag my body to a Target. Let me die with dignity.

• Denver Airport had a runway emergency Saturday when an American Airlines plane had to abort takeoff after a tire blew up and forced passengers to slide down the emergency exit chute. And yes, the plane was a Boeing 737 Max. Boeing planes break up so often Taylor Swift just wrote a song about them. President Trump's visit to Scotland prompted Ancestry to point out that 34 U.S. presidents have Scottish ancestry in their blood. My line of Hamilton men married into the ruling House of Stuart in 1487. I also have Mexican blood, but it's on the front fender of my car and right now it's a police matter.

• President Trump while in Scotland Sunday struck a huge U.S. trade deal with the EU just days after trade deals with the Philippines, Indonesia and Japan. He's an addict who can't stop. On the flight home, Trump traded the Air Force One pilot a set of Ping irons for the pilot's fried chicken dinner.

• Tulsi Gabbard stood by her report that Obama in January 2017 ordered the CIA re-assessment of the 2016 election to frame Trump for Russian collusion. Last weekend, I read the DNI report, and trust me it's hilarious. It turns out the only ones NOT involved in Trump/Russia were Trump and Russia.

• Hunter Biden made a strong case for illegal immigration in his 3-hour interview last Monday on YouTube. His passion was real. Hunter asked without illegal migrants, who will wash his car, who will clean his house, who will valet park his car and, most importantly, who will sell him cocaine?

• The House Oversight Committee spent two weeks trying to get Biden staffers to say on record what they know about Biden's mental decline that they witnessed while Joe was in office. All but one took the 5th. Too many people don't want to take responsibility for what they say, but don't quote me.

• Jay Leno criticized late-night talk show hosts for being one-sided and partisan Saturday, saying nobody wants to hear a political lecture. The hosts just formed a career suicide pact. Jimmy Kimmel just pledged to not say anything funny for as long as Steven Colbert continues to not say anything funny.

• The Tour de France bicycle race through France was won by Slovenian cyclist Tadej Togacar Sunday who cruised to victory along the Champs-Elysee after rolling through France in three weeks. It's the 86th running of the race. The first Tour de France was won in 1940 by Rommel's 7th Panzer Division.

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