Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• The Wall Street Journal reports on a Harvard study finding that attending July 4th celebrations tends to turn children into conservatives. The reaction was swift. The Teachers Union was horrified to hear it only takes a fireworks show and a patriotic speech to undo 180 days of public school education.

• The Gallup Poll showed that 92% of Republicans say that they are proud to be Americans while only 36% of Democrats say that they are proud to be Americans. This year it appears July 4th can't get here fast enough. Everybody in the country feels like blowing something up and not getting arrested.

• America celebrates July 4th tomorrow with picnics, parades and fireworks shows. Independence Day may have been the greatest day in the history of ammunition. It started with the Shot Heard ‘Round the World and to this day, every Monday morning newscast begins with the weekend totals from Chicago.

• The National Retail Federation says Americans will spend $9 billion on food, fireworks and gas tomorrow celebrating the 4th of July. If you're reading my jokes this morning and you plan to celebrate, please heed this one word of safety advice. Never buy your fireworks from a guy with three fingers.

• Canada Day was celebrated Tuesday with carnivals, concerts, air shows and fireworks. Most of the Anglo-English speaking Canadians descend from the 100,000 Loyalists who left the U.S. after Independence. Trump wants to annex Canada as our 51st state. He plans to name it Gay North Dakota.

• Homeland Security's Kristi Noem and Governor Ron DeSantis met up in the Everglades Tuesday for the opening of the renovated U.S. air base where illegal immigrants will be detained. They proudly hosted Opening Day at Alligator Alcatraz. President Trump was on hand to throw out the first gardener.

• Alligator Alcatraz evinced a howl from Democrats saying it's inhumane to surround migrants with alligators. They surround everything in Florida. Whenever Trump plays golf in Florida, he's protected by six Secret Service agents on the fairways and two Alligator Control Wardens in the rough.

• President Trump posted a call for a cease-fire between Israel and Hamas Tuesday and later revealed to reporters that Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu is pitching a peace proposal to Hamas to end the fighting and get the hostages back. All I know is, neither side eats bacon. This is not my war.

• The U.S. Senate held an 18-hour voting marathon to barely pass Trump's Big Beautiful Bill after Vice President JD Vance had to break the 50-50 tie. Confusion reigned. Senator Fetterman heard it was a voting marathon so he showed up wearing a company tee-shirt and yoga pants.

• CBS News reports Pride Month lost sponsors this year due to corporate pushback against trans activism. The trans community has a huge influence in show business. Nowadays in Las Vegas, when David Copperfield saws a woman in half onstage, when he puts her back together she has a penis.

• The New York jury reached a verdict on five sex trafficking charges against Hip Hop mogul P Diddy Tuesday but the judge sent them back to decide the racketeering charge. The trial brought me up to date on the music scene. I'm a Baby Boomer, I'll always think Hip Hop was the cook on Bonanza.

• Mount Vernon hosted a reading of the U.S. Constitution saluting the rights we possess as Americans. However, personal privacy is pretty much a thing of the past. Between the NSA, the FBI and cell phone cameras, we are now a nation of the peephole, by the peephole and for the peephole.

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