Contact The Editor
Articles By This Author
• A Lending Tree study reported that Americans spend an average of $1,754 a year each on beauty products. Some of the creams and fillers on sale are amazing. Yesterday in Beverly Hills a 9-year-old girl went missing after using her mother's moisturizing cream that makes you look 10 years younger.
• Keith Olbermann demanded the St. Louis Cardinals be taken over by the government after players performed an ear salute to Trump after a home run. Over the years he's been dismissed by ESPN, KCBS, Fox Sports, and MSNBC. Keith Olbermann has been fired more times than a Civil War cannon.
• Kamala Harris flew to Houston Thursday to deliver a campaign speech before a teacher's union convention where she ignored questions about being Biden's border czar and focused on the state of education. My neighbor says his son is having trouble with English. No one else in his class can speak it.
• Donald Trump showed off his athleticism Thursday, posting a video of him playing golf with PGA star Bryson DeChambeau. The same day the Trump campaign posted a photo from the 1990s of Mike Tyson hugging Donald for the cameras. It was the first time Trump risked severe injury to his ear.
• Congress voted to condemn Kamala Harris for failing as President Biden's Border Czar tasked to protect Americans from illegal immigration. Democrats now say that Kamala was never the Border Czar. No, she was Boeing's vice president in charge of airplane safety and emergency door maintenance.
• Politico reported DC insiders were impressed by how quickly Kamala Harris took control of the nomination and made herself a de-facto president. GOP critics in San Francisco say Kamala slept her way to the top. Joe Biden thought he could do the same thing, but when he fell asleep, she took over.
• California Governor Gavin Newsom ordered homeless encampments cleaned out Wednesday to try to improve the state's battered image. It's confusing. When you see all the men sleeping on the sidewalk in neighborhoods you never know who's homeless and who just won an argument with his wife.
• The Los Angeles Times reports that California's high-tech sector took a huge hit last week when Elon Musk decided to pull up stakes and leave. He announced that he's pulling the headquarters of SpaceX and Twitter out of California. The companies will relocate to a more stable location in Gaza.
• The New York Times reports North Korea launched trash-filled balloons into South Korea that landed in the South Korean president's compound. North Korea also just launched its own streaming service version of Netflix and called it Man Bang. By nightfall they had 40,000 subscribers in West Hollywood.
• U.S. Rep. Rashida Tlaib held up a sign reading War Criminal at Netanyahu's speech to Congress last week. I guess it was to identify herself as a Hamas supporter. If House members are going to hold up self-identifying signs during sessions the other 434 should hold up signs reading Insider Trader.
• The Pentagon may rescind the Medals of Honor granted to U.S. soldiers for brutality at Wounded Knee in South Dakota in 1890. The Sioux bided their time for revenge. Today, the Sioux Nation's Grand River Casino scalps every white man who hits on 16 or places the Any Seven bet at the craps table.
• The Miami Herald reports sharks off the coast of Rio are testing positive for cocaine. They devour the bales that smugglers dump during hot pursuit. I once knew a cocaine dealer in LA who disguised himself as a J Witness, but the police arrested him after they noticed he was being invited inside.
• Pro Hamas protestors burned U.S. flags and raised a Hamas flag over the Capitol Wednesday as Netanyahu addressed Congress. Trump just missed getting killed and Biden was tossed off the ticket in a party coup. Every morning I turn on the news to see which chapter of Revelation we'll be doing today.
• President Biden failed to tell the country what forced him out of the race Saturday night during his speech to the nation Wednesday. It was a frustrating week for the White House. Just a day earlier Secret Service Director Kimberly Cheatle resigned in disgrace after failing to assassinate Trump.
• FBI Director Chris Wray told Congress that Trump's would-be assassin studied the JFK murder on his laptop and even flew a drone over the rally site. It's about to get worse. The Secret Service Director who resigned on Tuesday already has a new job as the head of Delta Airlines Customer Service.
• The University of Delaware announced plans to store Biden's papers in the four-story Joe Biden Policy Center. In Joe's honor the elevator doesn't go all the way to the top. Furthering his legacy, Joe is also planning to set up the Joe Biden Center for Kids Who Aren't Very Good at Hiding Cocaine.
• President Biden gave a speech from the Oval Office Wednesday saying he stepped off the ticket to save democracy but not how he was pushed out. His speech waxed sentimental. Joe never dreamed when he was a drummer boy in the American Revolution that someday he'd be touring with the Beatles.
• Kamala Harris emerged as an ideal Democratic Party nominee Monday. Her Canadian mother is from India, her father a mixed white-black Jamaican descendant of white slave owners. If you like a candidate who checks all the boxes, she checks more boxes than a drug-sniffing dog at Miami Airport.
• Kamala Harris traveled to Houston Wednesday and warned the election of Trump would end our democracy. She delivered the Harris Doctrine which states that Democracy begins with a D, just like Doughnuts and Doughnuts are really good just like Democracy. The scariest part is, the crowd went wild.
• Donald Trump lashed back at Kamala after she noted he was liable in a sexual assault civil case. Bringing up sex lives opens her up to scrutiny for her affair with married Mayor Willie Brown who boosted her career while she was his mistress. Kamala says she's Indian, but the Imahoe are not a tribe.
• The New York Post ran a poll which showed that the cost of living is the top concern of voters in this election. The price of food, gas, rent and housing has everyone anxious. Last week in the Los Angeles Hall of Records rap star 50 Cent had his name legally changed to 85 Cent to adjust for inflation.
(COMMENT, BELOW)