Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• President Biden went on TV to address the nation Sunday to remind us that we are Americans first, adding that when we differ politically we are opponents and not enemies. The president called for an end to violent campaign rhetoric. And then he wished former President Hitler a speedy recovery.

• The GOP Convention went wild Monday when Donald Trump announced that Ohio Senator JD Vance is his VP choice. Vance wrote The Hillbilly Elegy about his life growing up in rural Kentucky. Hillbillies live on moonshine and wild game but they lose a lot of teeth because their dentist is Dr Pepper.

• President Biden defied efforts by party elites and Hollywood stars who tried to oust him from the 2024 ticket Friday. His speech preaches patriotism and opportunity. Joe said he never dreamed that when he was a drummer boy during the American Revolution, he'd someday be touring with the Beatles.

• Donald Trump flew to Milwaukee Sunday from his Bedminster Golf Club in New Jersey just hours after getting shot. Donald is so tough he took a shot to the head, checked out of the hospital and made it home in time for his 9:00 am tee off time for golf. Trump went up twenty points with the lesbians.

• The GOP Convention in Milwaukee received an emotion-filled appearance from Donald Trump who showed up with a white two-inch bandage over his right ear. He's been arrested, given a mug photo, convicted and shot. Forget dictator, Trump just promised to be a Rap Mogul starting on Day One.

• Donald Trump re-wrote his convention speech Sunday in agreement with Biden's call for softer rhetoric. No more speech references to Crooked Joe or Hitler. In the new spirit of moderation Trump will refer to Biden as Cranky Joe and Biden will compare Trump to Colonel Klink on Hogan's Heroes.

• Florida Judge Aileen Cannon dismissed Special Counsel Jack Smith's documents case against Trump, ruling his appointment was illegal. A New York DA plans to indict Trump for ignoring circus safety regulations and hiring a sniper to shoot off the tip of his ear. The trick requires a union drummer.

• President Biden told the nation Sunday he spoke with Trump on the phone after the shooting and that they had a productive talk. It was first reported that when Biden heard the news that Donald Trump had been shot that Joe soiled himself, but that report is false. It had nothing to do with the news.

• President Biden gave an 90-minute interview to NBC News anchor Lester Holt in which Biden admitted it was a mistake and overheated rhetoric for him to tell a crowd last week that there needs to be a target on Donald Trump. The interview drew a four-word reply from Trump. It was you, Fredo.

• The Los Angeles County Health Department reported an uptick in the number of Covid cases but treatments like Paxlovid have greatly reduced the mortal danger from the virus. You have to like odds. Having Covid-19 is like making a movie with Alec Baldwin, you have a 97.6% chance of survival.

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