Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• The Secret Service caught hell on Fox News for not noticing the sniper on the roof at the Trump rally. There have been hundreds of other threats against the Donald in the past few years, but he escapes harm every time. If Trump had any more lives, Purina would have to name a cat food after him.

• House Oversight Committee Chairman Jim Comer announced he's calling hearings in Congress next week to investigate the Secret Service for not spotting the rooftop sniper. It's widely rumored that a second sniper escaped and got away. Eyewitnesses can only agree she was wearing a pink pantsuit.

• The Trump Rally sniper was 20-year-old Thomas Matthew Crooks who fired from 130 yards away. Trump's life was saved because his head was briefly turned to the side instead of, as usual, straight ahead. We came inches away from having two dead guys running for president at the same time.

• House Republicans expressed outrage that the sniper was able to plant himself atop an adjoining building just 100 yards away from the rally. My first reaction to the shooting was the same as a lot of comics. I just assumed that Alec Baldwin celebrated his case being dismissed by attending a Trump rally.

• Fox News reporters on the site of the rally swooped in quickly to interview the rally attendees who were sitting on the front row and saw everything. The people on the front row all told reporters they saw Trump's bloody ear. They looked left and right, but they saw no sign of Mike Tyson anywhere.

(COMMENT, BELOW)