July 24th, 2024


Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Argus Hamilton

By Argus Hamilton

Published July 8, 2024

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report


Governor Gavin Newsom came to the White House to meet with President Biden. However, he was greeted by the DC media unearthing his past affair with a 19-year-old, an affair with a married woman, and his past admissions of an alcohol problem. President Biden greeted him like a long lost son.

Kamala Harris polled much stronger against Trump than Biden Wednesday. What the hell, she's Indo-Canadian on her mother's side, and on her father's bi-racial Jamaican side, her white great-grandfather owned more slaves in Jamaica than mine did in Alabama. Only drug-sniffing dogs at Miami Airport check more boxes than Kamala Harris.

The Jerusalem Post reports that a radiocarbon study of Jerusalem during King David's time shows the city was much larger than thought. In my church we recite his Psalms every Sunday. As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, it's a sudden reminder that you can't trust Google Maps.

The Census Bureau reported Tuesday that eleven million Baby Boomers have died and there are now sixty-six million of us left. I get braver as I age. I hope I die doing something extreme, like climbing Mt. Everest, riding a barrel over Niagara Falls or telling a woman I don't like her new haircut.

President Biden campaigned in Swing States and told a Philly radio station Thursday he was proud to be our first black woman vice president. He's trying to be all things to all people. Monday he sprayed-tanned his face to turn his skin orange to look like Donald Trump and today he's Kamala Harris.

President Biden scrambled all week to shore up support in the wake of media and Democratic politicians calling for him to step aside. Right after his debate performance, it seemed like some of Joe's so-called campaign loyalists tried to have him killed. They took him to a Waffle House at midnight.

Britain's Labor Party's Keir Sturmer was elected Prime Minister on a promise to make the UK more democratic. In 1913 a suffragette threw herself in front of the King's horse during the English Derby in a demand for total democracy. Yet today 111 years later, horses still don't have the right to vote.

The Arizona Republic reports the Grand Canyon State now ranks at the top of all US states for economic growth. If you offer a quality product the customers will find you. Florida's got oranges, Georgia's got peaches and Arizona's got the finest Fentanyl your neighbor's catalytic converter can buy.

NBC News reported Tuesday that the United States government will pay Moderna $176 million to develop a vaccine for Bird Flu infection. Here we go again. Instead of killing millions of chickens due to Bird Flu, couldn't we just lock them up in the chicken coop for two weeks, and flatten the curve?

George Stephanopoulos' interview with President Biden was moved to prime time on Friday by ABC News. It's Joe's first interview since the debate and Stephanopulos landed it. A lot of people fear the interview will make him look weak and stupid, while other people think Joe will go easy on him.

Harvard released a study which found that Fourth of July celebrations tend to turn school kids into political conservatives. The study alarmed the National Teachers Union. School teachers were horrified to learn it just takes a speech and fireworks show to undo 180 days of public school education.

The White House Press Secretary was barraged by questions over President Biden's fitness for office this week. Suddenly reporters are no longer afraid of asking the administration tough questions. Until this week, the White House Press Corps was more gun shy than Alec Baldwin's personal assistant.

President Biden surprised TV viewers Monday by showing up for a speech with his face spray-tanned orange. At first Joe tried to obtain the orange skin hue by lying down in a tanning bed. However Joe panicked when they closed the lid because Jill began throwing flowers and dirt on top of it.

President Biden sounded amped up Wednesday declaring he's running and no one is going to push him out. Joe is being advised in private Oval Office sessions by Hunter. I'm trying to learn how to eat a powdered donut so it doesn't look like I just attended a Hunter and Joe campaign strategy meeting.

White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre blamed Biden's debate performance on a cold Tuesday, then Wednesday she blamed it on jet lag. The best way out of this crisis is to accelerate it. The White House just awarded a $200 million contract to Pfizer to invent a Cold and Jet Lag vaccine.

President Biden awarded two Presidential Medals of Honor posthumously to two Yankee spies in the Civil War. In 1862 they stole a train in Georgia and destroyed tracks and bridges behind them as they headed north back toward Union lines. It's the first sign that Biden has conceded Georgia to Trump.

Donald Trump said he'll accept the results of an honest election while adding that his campaign is training poll watchers nationwide. Both parties are hoping for an honest count from the voting machines. I just installed Dominion software onto my Facebook page and now I have 81 million friends.