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• NBC News in Miami reported vacationers find no relief in the ocean as the water temperature at Miami Beach is over ninety degrees. And even worse, sharks off the coast of Florida were sighted last week feasting on dumped bales of cocaine. It gave me a great idea for a Disney movie, Finding Kilo.
• Disney CEO Robert Iger signed a contract to keep running the Magic Kingdom's entertainment empire another two years. The movie studio is completely re-working its classic fairy tale franchise. I just saw the trailer for next summer's anticipated blockbuster, Off White and the Seven Diversity Hires.
• Reader's Digest reports this month that the linguists at Merriam-Webster Dictionary have added five hundred and twenty new words to the English language. It's amazing how English phrases change over the years with the language. For example what used to be I'm Pretending to Be is now I Identify As.
• Universal opened the movie Oppenheimer about the scientist who created the atomic bomb during World War II which ended the war but has menaced civilization ever since. Cockroaches can survive a nuclear war, but they can't survive a swat with a newspaper. This shows how toxic the media is.
• Bobby Kennedy was invited to testify Thursday before a House Committee probing charges of government censorship. He's a Democrat but the Democrats on the committee investigating government censorship wouldn't let Bobby talk. In future history books, this era will be referred to as the Dumb Ages.
• GOP House Member Marjorie Taylor Greene played Hunter Biden's laptop video of him doing cocaine in bed with strippers while drunk. I confess I admire Hunter for being able to raise hell all the way until he was fifty. I had to stop partying at age thirty-four or die, and to be honest it was a 51-49 decision.
• The IRS whistle blowers told Congress they investigated Hunter Biden because they believe equal treatment is the American way. If Americans don't believe the tax system is fair, the government can't force citizens to pay their taxes at gunpoint. Joe Biden just ran the government out of ammunition.
• The Huffington Post published an article about the decline in dinner table etiquette and manners in everyday American life and especially at restaurants. We can all do a little better. Right now I'm trying to perfect the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just took the White House tour.
• The British Open will host the world's greatest golfers in the final round of the tournament today at the Royal Liverpool Golf Club. The Brits are also enduring a heat wave. It's been so hot in England this weekend that Prince Andrew is asking underage girls what they'd do for a Klondike Bar.
• Charles Barkley finished last at the Lake Tahoe Pro-Am Sunday after he bought three cases of Bud Light at the golf club bar and demanded everybody drink them. He's far too overweight to drink anything except light beer. Architectural Digest refers to Charles Barkley as the Leaning Tower of Pizza.
• The People for the Ethical treatment of Animals launched a campaign aimed at getting society to stop killing cows for meat and shoes. My Anglo-Norman DNA labels me as a barbarian to the more sensitive souls. Having a chicken salad with eggs in it is my favorite way of eating two generations.
• The White House reported Thursday President Biden will begin wearing sneakers and boarding Air Force One on lower level stairs to avoid more nasty, embarrassing spills. For crying out loud, we're the world's richest country. Can't we afford to equip Air Force One with an Ameri-Glide stair lift?
• Nancy Pelosi went on MSNBC Tuesday and assured Americans that President Biden's age is not a concern. It's an entertainment. This week during an on-camera exchange with Israel's president, Biden began mumbling so incoherently the deaf signer gave up and hanged himself from the chandelier.
• The Atlantic urged President Biden not to run for re-election in 2024, saying he's now in cognitive decline. Joe's outbursts of temper can be as riveting as his memory lapses or his disorientation on stage. This entire presidency is like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.
• USA Today released a poll that shows forty percent of Californians are considering moving out of the Golden State and moving away for various reasons. Living in some parts of the large cities has become a joke. The homeless problem in San Francisco is so bad, Uber picks you up in a shopping cart.
• Donald Trump lost his bid in court to have his trial moved out of New York to a friendlier locale Wednesday. New Yorkers won't acquit anybody. I recently saw a parked car with a bumper sticker that says I Miss New York, so I smashed the window, stole the radio and left a note saying, I hope this helps.
• Gallup shows Trump appears to have the nomination but not the election while Biden could win the election but Democrats don't want him to run. Trump's win will cause big city riots, while Biden's may cause Red State secession. Where are the singing and dancing commercials for psychotropic drugs?
• The London Daily Mail reported scientists in Hungary introduced the world's first energy drink created entirely by Artificial Intelligence. I'm not on that bandwagon yet. I will respect AI's ability to enhance my life when voice-to-text can understand what I just said as well as any five-year-old could.
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