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• Disney CEO Bob Iger signed a contract last week to remain CEO of Disney for another two years. The studio is literally the spear point of woke culture. Disney just posted the movie trailer for next year's summer blockbuster, Person of No Color and the Seven Vertically Challenged Individuals.
• President Biden was quoted about his family values by the New York Times declaring that no matter where he is or what he's doing or how important the meeting he's chairing, he will always answer a call from his six grandchildren. Certain restrictions apply. Not valid in the state of Arkansas.
• The White House opened up free tours to summer visitors that are now available on Fridays and Saturdays. The gift shop sells memorabilia and apparel. My neighbor took the tour last weekend and yesterday she was wearing a tee-shirt that read I Took the White House Tour and All I Got Was a Gram.
• A Southwest Airlines flight was stuck on the tarmac for four hours with the temperature reading one hundred-ten degrees inside the cabin, where passengers passed out Sunday. And what do desert visitors expect it to be like in July? It's so hot in Las Vegas, the Devil left two days ago to go to Phoenix.
• The Oregon Wildlife Bureau created a segregated hiking trail for black people only, so they can enjoy nature without encountering white people. Cal State campuses now allow dorms just for black students in order to avoid white students. They say life imitates art but more often it imitates Happy Days.
• ABC will air the Golden Bachelor where women will compete to marry a senior guy. Instead of roses, he'll give contestants who move on to the next level a $50 savings bond. If it's a hit, it could open the door at CBS for Senior Survivor in which the challenge is to take a shower and not slip and die.
• BYU released a study assuring Americans that fears that Artificial Intelligence might replace their jobs are essentially unfounded. Everybody is afraid that their job will be replaced by Artificial Intelligence, but not stand-up comedians. AI cannot replace the humor, the timing or the cocaine usage.
• President Biden met with Israeli President Herzog Tuesday and lost his train of thought again on camera. Joe closed his eyes and began mumbling incoherently for thirty seconds. If only there was some white powder in the West Wing that could perk him up and jolt him into connecting his words.
• New Hampshire hosted a No Labels Party convention Saturday headlined by Democrat Senator Joe Manchin. The establishment spent the next three days in the media tearing Manchin to shreds for threatening Biden's re-election. Trump lost his brother 40 years ago but he's never had a Co-Defendant.
• GOP indicted congressman George Santos got into more trouble for money transfers to himself from his House campaign fund. Last week the busted compulsive liar actually compared himself to Rosa Parks, which is technically true. The wanted posters showing his face are displayed on the back of buses.
• The White House returned to the administration's daily routine after President Biden returned from Europe. They cleared up the confusion about what Hunter actually said when he returned to the White House last week following the security sweep. What Hunter said was, where's Michael Caine?
• The Secret Service closed the investigation into the cocaine found inside the White House, saying they can't ID the culprit. I'm not completely convinced they found all the cocaine in the Executive Mansion or the West Wing. The Snow Globes at the White House Gift Shop are now a thousand dollars.
• New Jersey former Governor Chris Christie began campaigning New Hampshire for the GOP presidential nomination last week, appointing himself the anti-Trump candidate. Christie is calling Trump a liar and a coward. If he has to eat his words, he'll do it with style and grace and a side of fries.
• Senator Rand Paul reported Monday he's discovered that the U.S. government is still providing Dr. Fauci with a limo, a driver and a security detail even though he's retired. What a nice deal. It's just a case of the U.S. taxpayer doing the job that Pfizer stockholders are too cheap and ungrateful to do.
• Vladimir Putin ordered the Russian Navy to blockade Ukraine's Black Sea ports to halt grain shipments as the war dragged on. Last week Putin invited the rebellious Wagner Militia to meet with him in Moscow and they talked for hours. One thing's for certain, the meeting was held on the first floor.
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