• The Daily Caller published an article re-posted by MSNBC last week claiming that exercise and fitness becomes an obsession that turns you into a right-wing conservative. The article set off a loud alarm bell in Sacramento. California plans to close all gyms for two weeks to slow the spread of Fascism.
• Pew Research reports Americans are evenly split over the threat and the possibilities of Artificial Intelligence's sudden rapid emergence. Many fear that it leads to loss of human connection. I'm not going to worry until Alexa and Siri can understand what I said at least as well as a five-year-old would.
• Ben and Jerry's ice cream was hit by a boycott after posting that Americans should give America back to the Indians. The Abenaki Nation quickly asked Ben and Jerry to give back their company land in Vermont. Ben and Jerry's just created a new flavor they've called We're Surrounded, General Custard.
• Chris Matthews went on MSNBC and cited President Biden's diplomacy at the NATO summit and in Finland last week. He said Biden's world leadership is brilliant and is at the same level as Eisenhower and FDR's. Well at least Eisenhower and FDR are dead, so that gives Joe a fighting chance.
• New York City Mayor Eric Adams agreed to citizens' demands Friday to step up police presence in the crime-ridden public housing projects. The lawlessness there has become epidemic. Today even the White House is typical public housing, there's a drug addict living there and he's not on the lease.
• The Secret Service explained with a straight face that there was no security camera or fingerprint evidence to deduce who left the cocaine in the White House. They added we may never know who did it. Now that the Secret Service has taken up acting, Hollywood producers are looking to DC for scabs.
• The White House trumpeted good economic news last week in the job market, the stock market and lower prices at the pump and grocery store. President Biden can now cite hard evidence that we're making big progress on inflation. Bud Light is seventy-five percent cheaper than it was six months ago.
• Climate Czar John Kerry did not enjoy his finest moment in Finland last week when he said we must end the war in Ukraine because of all the damage the war is doing to the ozone layer. Only the comedians heard his plea for peace. John Kerry couldn't stop a ketchup fight at the Heinz family picnic.
• The Wall Street Journal reports the summer heat re-ignited the issue of climate change in the media. Kamala Harris claimed the key to controlling climate change is reducing the population. So when Gavin Newsom started pardoning the Manson Family last week, he was actually saving the planet.
• Forbes magazine forecast Friday that small businesses and start ups will continue to flourish in the second half of 2023 despite some setbacks. The Titanic sub company Ocean Gate folded up and ceased operations last week, and I can't understand why. Their name recognition is at an all-time high.
• The Tour de France enters the brutal mountain climb through the French Alps this week. The finish line for the world's greatest cycling race is on the Champs Elysee in Paris Sunday. The opera ain't over till the fat lady sings and the Tour de France ain't finalized till the skinny guy pees in the cup.
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