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• Ben and Jerry's is boycotted due to their July Fourth post saying Americans stole America from the Indians and must return it. That's a lie, Americans stole America from the British, the French and the Spanish, and THEY stole it from the Indians. So don't blame Americans, we're the good guys here.
• President Biden touted his economic policies he calls Bidenomics Thursday in a speech in South Carolina. It's Biden's task to convince people they are better off than they think they are. Inflation is so bad that next to the cocaine they discovered in the White House was a rolled-up thousand-dollar bill.
• President Biden laughed off questions from reporters Thursday who wanted to know more details about the cocaine discovered in the West Wing on Sunday. The Secret Service believes the cocaine was left over from the night before. Hollywood has just ONE question, what the hell is left over cocaine?
• The Washington, D.C., Fire Department Hazmat Unit reported finding cocaine in the White House Library. It shows the Bidens why it's much safer having a cat instead of a dog in the White House. A dog may be man's best friend but a cat will never lead the fire department to where you hid your cocaine.
• The Secret Service admitted Thursday they may never solve the mystery of who left the cocaine in the White House library. The library happens to be located in East Wing family area. My theory is the coke was hastily stashed in the White House and forgotten about during Take our Children to Work Day.
• The Weather Channel reports record high temperatures in Arizona and in the California deserts this past week with Phoenix hitting one hundred and twenty degrees. It changes you. What I love most about hot weather are the crop tops and the short skirts, even if they make me look like I've transitioned.
• The All England Tennis Club changed its dress code for women players at Wimbledon this year which allows them to wear dark undershorts. That's not all. Prince Andrew is no longer allowed to attend the Wimbledon matches because every time he hears 15-Love he becomes uncontrollably aroused.
• The New York Post reports that the U.S. government is gearing up to share information about the purported reality of UFOs, which a Pentagon whistleblower recently confirmed. It could end seventy-five years of speculation. So I guess the only mystery left in aviation is why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
• Treasury Secretary Janet Yellin flew to Beijing to meet with the Chinese Ministry of Finance Thursday. It's two weeks after Secretary of State Anthony Blinken flew there to meet with China's Foreign Minister. China sends spy balloons over the U.S. and we respond with a lot of Blinkin and Yellin.
• The U.S. and Canada agreed Thursday to no more visits to the Titanic for a while in the aftermath of the Titan Sub implosion. In addition, Ocean Gate suspended submersibles to the ocean floor. It greatly disappointed Vladimir Putin who has a long list of critics he says are just dying to see the Titanic.
• African American Reparations Committee member Nicole Cunningham said straight white men are a menace to society. She added straight white men are serial mass killers. It might soothe Nicole to come to a show at the Comedy Store and watch white and black comedians kill the same crowds together.
• House Republicans claim evidence that nails the Bidens for taking money from China in return for influence. Meanwhile an embarrassing number of D.C. lawmakers have grown wealthy while on the government payroll. Richard Nixon famously said, I am not a crook, and he wasn't by today's standards.
• England's Chichester Theater Festival put a trigger warning on The Sound Music being staged there this week, a warning saying in addition to all the singing and dancing, the show contains Nazi themes. So there you have it. Mel Brooks isn't the only one to cash in by writing a musical about Hitler.
• The Wall Street Journal cited polls showing Trump winning the nomination but not the election and Biden winning the election but no one wants to nominate him. Bobby Kennedy is the favorite but neither party will claim him. America hasn't lost all its marbles but there's definitely a hole in the bag.
• The Department of Transportation reports that fifty million Americans took to the road over the July Fourth weekend. The Bidens returned to the White House Monday to hear cocaine was found Sunday either in the West Wing library or in the entrance lobby. Authorities are still trying to snort it out.
• The White House was evacuated Sunday after a bag of white powder was discovered in the West Wing which tested out to be a bag of cocaine. Reaction in the entertainment industry was entirely predictable. Yesterday the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce endorsed the president's new energy policy.
• White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre on Monday was overwhelmed by questions from reporters about cocaine found in the West Wing. Measures have been taken to make sure this kind of discovery never happens again. The Bidens just sent their German shepherd back to obedience training.
• President Biden hosted the prime minister of Sweden at the White House Wednesday to discuss trade and Sweden's membership in NATO. However the prime minister isn't their head of state. Two years ago the CEO of IKEA was elected president of Sweden and he's still assembling his cabinet.
• The Washington Times analyzed 2024 election politics Tuesday and predicted Governor Gavin Newsom will end up the nominee. Yesterday here in L.A., Gavin witnessed the homeless street blight, open drug markets and closed up businesses with great satisfaction. There wasn't a plastic straw in sight.
• Hillary Clinton will headline the NAACP annual convention in Boston in three weeks. Content moderation versus totally free speech on social media is the hot button partisan issue. To demonstrate her opposition to those who insist on free speech, Hillary's speaking fee is one hundred thousand dollars.
• The White House was banned by a federal judge from contacting social media firms to discuss content moderation. The judge said Biden officials did it in 2021 to silence opposition and delete conservative speech. The White House is so good at censorship they just gave themselves five stars.
• New York City officials reported that millions of New Yorkers and tourists enjoyed area beaches over July 4th weekend but not many went into the water. That's because several dozen Great White sharks were spotted off the coast of Long Island. Mayor Adams has deputized them to patrol the subways.
• Paris was rocked by riots Saturday in which three thousand people were arrested, one thousand buildings damaged and seven hundred police officers injured. Five hundred refugees just arrived by luxury yachts on the shores of Dover, England. They were Frenchmen seeking asylum from the migrants.
• The L.A. Museum of Modern Art put on a display of U.S. Patent Office drawings of wild inventions from the nation's past. One drawing on an 1882 patent shows a mouse trap with a spring that fires a cocked revolver when the mouse nibbles on the cheese. It may be the most American thing I've ever seen.
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